{Recurring Image: Death and Dismemberment}[26th March 1987]

[Redbook3:28-30][19870326:1543j]{Recurring Image: Death and Dismemberment}[26^th March 1987]

.1543

[continued]

After my arrival here, until Christmas (during which period the Wind hardly stopped) I had recurring images of my own death and dismemberment. These stopped at Christmas (as did the Wind), when I made a decision to stop worrying about property and money and 'go where I'm told' – an immense relief. (Not long afterwards it snowed heavily, and the Snow lay for some time). Since then I have tried to keep this phrase – “I'll go where I'm told” – in mind whenever financial and other insecurities lead me to plan too closely or two much in the way of possible earning activities which do not support what I write about.

I believe it is of crucial importance. I believe that at this Crisis I have the opportunity to cross from the Outer to the Inner Circle and change direction. Simplification (almost everything we own is in store and our business has shrunk to one small client) or “Death” (not literally, necessarily) (and hence the images) is the last station before the change. (If I planned too closely the rebuilding of our finances etc. – which I was doing in relation to Highland and Border properties – I should continue round the Outer Circle again.

I have planned virtually nothing in relation to the Welsh smallholding – not too much, I hope; although I may have got too bogged down in legal details, after leaving them alone at the start. I need to cross by the 'Water' to Love or Temperance, the girl from the Sea – cf. xS in “[2]”, and of course +K in “[0]”. Some Outer Circle movement may remain, I suppose; not too much, I hope. I need to pass in the contrary direction on the Inner Circle: back down toward the 'bottom' again, through Love, Revelation, Creation.... what happens then I do not know; if I have made the wrong decisions at this (Mid-life?) Crisis, I may never know. I suppose that the relative importance of of Inner and Outer Circles may change even after this point: to Outer, anyway, but I suspect not to Inner from Outer. I don't know. Writing “[2]”, and what has come out of it, encourages me a little; but a lot of what might have been in “[1]”, in terms of Stations (not in terms of the progress of the series), and a lot of where I believe myself to be now, have come out of “[2]”.

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