{The Church and I [continued (5)]}[4th April 1990]

[Redbook7:118-119][19900404:2346b]{The Church and I [continued (5)]}[4th April 1990]

19900404.2346

[continued]

*I have a feeling – in fact it’s a general feeling I’ve had for years – that I’m a means to someone else’s ends.

The moment of greatest significance, in the experience of it, in all this application, was when I wrote out my application form, in particular box 24** where I set out in elementary form the C[ircles] A[nalysis] and S[ynthesis] structure in Christian terms. At that moment I acted under almost obsessive compulsion – which, within a few days of sending the form, had disappeared.

Up until them every main event had gone right (although minor contra-indications, such as [the Warden for Ordinands], were growing). Since then, every main event has gone ‘wrong’ from the point of view of my entering the Church as a Minister*** – from which I feel released and relieved. I have, however, been increasingly pre-occupied since last Summer with the role of ‘prophet’ as contrasted (or combined, if that is possible) with that of Priest.

*[See last previous entry]

**ref [[Redbook7:44-53][19900214:1100d]{Form MC/PS/90/1: Be My Valentine}[14th February 1990],] 50

[See [Redbook7:110-111][19900329:1440]{Tested Again [continued (10)]}[29th March 1990]]

***[A ‘poor’ or inappropriate application form would account for that. As to the motive....]

[continues]

[PostedBlogger29for31032021]