{Tested Again}[28th March 1990]

[Redbook7:104-114][19900328:1738]{Tested Again}[28th March 1990]

19900328.1738

*

Yes, well....

I had felt, after the meeting* but before I received this letter,** that I had at least managed to put myself across reasonably accurately, and had not misrepresented myself (unlike at the meeting with [the Assistant] Bishop [...]).*** On the other hand, I was in doubt about the outcome because I felt that several of the Board (the smoother and perhaps more evangelical**** ones) were, from the outset, hostile towards my particular kind of approach. In retrospect, of course, I realise that we never once touched upon the more profound aspects of my psyche: my accuracy was in response to their questions, which were fairly superficial. The meeting lasted approximately half an hour.#

I do recall, however, that they all stood when the candidate entered and left, and that he (I) was seated next to the Chairman ([the Assistant] Bishop […]) at the head-right of the table: these are marks of courtesy to candidates. [The Assistant] Bishop […] introduced each member in turn: 4 on each side of the table, plus the Warden for Ordinands on his left. The first man on the right, bearded, was friendly: ‘How do you do’ etc. was exchanged; the second and third, one of whom I think was also bearded,#** were likewise; but the fourth did not smile, so my ‘Hello’ was muted. I think he was [a] (dark-haired?) short-haired man; I know that my response changed then, and I decided to wait for the smile before I smiled. Of the four on the other side, there were two more like this: unsmiling, and to the best of my (possibly faulty) recollection also dark-haired-short-haired men, whom I would describe as ‘smooth’.#*** The last of these#**** just looked at me: I looked at him: after a moment, he dropped his gaze.

*(The [Diocesan Selection] Board was on 19900326 (Monday))

[See last previous entry but one, [Redbook7:103-104][19900325:1023]{Dream: Of Two Journeys to the Church [continued]}[25th March 1990]]

**[A letter copied here in the ms but not reproduced in the ts includes the words: “I have been instructed to inform you that the decision arrived at after much discussion was that we would like to see you again in a year’s time. This further period of searching and prayer might prove to be most beneficial. If you still feel after 12 months that you would like to be tested again, we look forward to seeing you.]

***[See [Redbook7:88][19900315:1716b]{The Assistant Bishop}[15th March 1990]]

****Not necessarily so – it seems that the friendlier, bearded fellow(s) was (or were) more likely to be ex-Evangelical, now promoted above labels. <900401>

This question needs to be sorted out. [Canon][XQ] did not say that the younger, ‘smoother’ members of the Board were not Evangelical: he did not know them; he simply said that the older bearded member(s?), whom I had assumed wasn’t, was. [sic] <910320>

I do now recall that while we were waiting to go in, one of my fellow candidates – an engineer I believe, from ?South Wales – revealed that he had come to the Selection Board of this Diocese, which was not his own, because it was Evangelical, which his own was not. <910320>

#As did my meeting with [the Assistant] Bishop […] (ref [[Redbook7:88][19900315:1716b]{The Assistant Bishop}[15th March 1990],] 88

#*See above note[:****]

#**[As was the writer at this time]

{(& one of whom was?)} Probably a layman, I am told <900401>

#***ref [[Redbook7:44-53][19900214:1100d]{Form MC/PS/90/1: Be My Valentine}[14th February 1990],] 52

[In Box 30 of the application form, copied on p52, the writer refers to “a smooth, safe, predictable, priestly Church”]

#****(before the Warden [for Ordinands]

[continues]

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