{Tested Again [continued (12)]}[29th March 1990]

[Redbook7:112-113][19900329:2357]{Tested Again [continued (12)]}[29th March 1990]

.2357

Had a bath; set off for final Welsh lesson; on the way stepped to give a lift to [C], who lives at the bottom of [the last village on the way]. She appeared looking awful, and said that her father had died on Monday* of a massive heart attack. I said I was really very sorry, and drove off feeling fearful and useless.

Waiting for the teacher, alone in the classroom, I decided during the coming year (and longer) to behave in these ways as if I was a Vicar, ie not to succumb to that fear (of getting involved in an unfamiliar and sensitive situation) which casts out Love, but to let the Love overcome the fear: in other words, to get right in.** (On the other hand, not being a Vicar, I can (as I told [W] with great glee, and much to her amusement) still leap into the arms of grieving ladies if they ask for consolation – purely for their comfort, you know!).***

At home, I watched part of a programme about a sufferer from Motor Neurone Disease,**** before switching over to the bishop of Durham on Question Time.# I had been reflecting on the contrast between the love and suffering of these people [sic], and my feeling for them on the one hand, and the hard bureaucratic procedures, quite literally Soul-destroying, of the Established Church.

*[This day being Thursday]

**cf III. [] (early)

[Unclear to what this refers]

[Possibly ended with an exclamation mark – ms unclear]

***This is a joke! In practice, whatever I think, I find a curious delicacy steers me well clear of even the beginnings of extra-marital sexual relationships. <900401>

{↑Trying to have cake and eat it?}

****S4C [– the Welsh channel]

#BBC1

[continues]

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