(PROPERTY [continued])[12th April 1987]

[Redbook3:175-176][19870412:1525b](PROPERTY [continued])[12th April 1987]

19870412.1525

[continued]

On Friday in Inverness I bought several expensive books, including two versions of the Bible, and half a dozen paperbacks of Aristotle and Plato. On Saturday I bought more religious/philosophical paperbacks. The 'result' was an attack of satiation or hangover, from a surfeit of book-buying (and, quite possibly, money-spending). Later this turned into an unnecessary anxiety about a neighbouring farmer's right to build a cattle-grid on [CH]'s front drive: I am practically certain that there is nothing to worry about but I can't shake it off completely. Indigestion followed in the form of chest-pains and dyspepsia: incorrect eating may have contributed. I dislike having to admit to this as it reminds me how incompetent* I am; but Truth must be sought in all its forms, great or small. In any case, dishonesty tends to trip itself up in the end.

I suppose, in the end, the answer is some form of monasticism (not necessarily communal or formal; but ascetic). But this is not the time for that: I am a father and a husband, and happy to be so, and if that involves compromises and even struggles with aspects of the Separation,** then I shall do my best to be guided in everything by the Spirit. This time – and at other times – I have said: 'Tell me what to do and I'll do it' – and the answer generally becomes manifest, one way or another.

*[spiritually, in this case, presumably?]

**You ain't seen nothin' yet. <930418>

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