{The Righting of Wrongs [continued]}[4th April 1987]

[Redbook3:102-103][19870404:1005k]{The Righting of Wrongs [continued]}[4th April 1987]

19870404.1005

[continued]

The wronger (responsible for the original wrong)* also has a need to right himself, which I should think is generally far more difficult, as it is far easier (for most people) to admit that you have been wronged than that you have wronged – especially if the latter [sic]** [state] indicates that you should right your wrong: the wronged generally has little to lose, the wronger much, after the event. (There are, of course, people too proud to admit they could have been wronged....).

It seems to me, therefore (and this will seem insufferably pious*** to some) that the wronged has the primary responsibility after the event (as the wronger has the primary responsibility before it, presumably).

{1) The wronged must, first, decide whether he has been wronged, on the facts, avoiding the pride that denies it, and the resentment that invents (or exaggerates) it, and taking account of his own contribution, and of any wrong he may have done; he should remain open-minded about this in particular.

{2} Second (if he has been wronged) he must right himself without recourse to the wronger so that he no longer feels (emotionally) wronged, although still aware of the wrong.

{3} Third, he must try to help the wronger, by giving the wronger the opportunity**** to face and recognise the wrong he has done: this means that he must approach the wronger in a fashion that will maximise the chance of the wronger voluntarily recognising the wrong, which in practice I guess (and I hope I am correct) would mean [the wronged] presenting [to the wronger] without rancour a statement of facts with an opportunity to correct them, and an implied opportunity to put right the wrong from the wronger's point of view. (The wronged, having already righted himself, must not seek this last thing as his own objective, or the matter is likely to be distorted by the original wronger suffering resentment in his turn, as he my well feel compelled to put right the wrong before he has fully recognised it.)

*[See last previous entry.]

**[i.e. the fact(s) of having wronged (presumably).]

***[And perhaps a trifle pompous?]

****(The opportunity my, of course, be refused.)

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