(INNOCENCE{:[xS]}[continued (3)])[4th April 1987]

[Redbook3:105-106][19870404:1005n](INNOCENCE{:[xS]}[continued (3)])[4th April 1987]

19870404.1005

[continued]

But that* (luckily for me) is not my point of view: I have loved xS for as long as I can remember, certainly since long before I wrote of her (in '[2]'; and possibly in '[+]'; and even, faintly, in a couple of stories**, as a character in a novel '[JW]'?, and in a poem***, as 'Tena', which may be a dim pre-cognition of her) and long before I knew who she was (in [2]).

Several times I have 'fallen in love' wretchedly with girls who were xS look-alikes, to a greater or lesser extent, without ever consummating the affair; the earliest of these was when I was about sixteen. None of these girls were remotely like xS; they just looked like her (up to a point, and without the eyes). I cannot trace any earlier influence which might give rise to this phenomenon. Nor have I, so far as I recall, ever 'fallen in love' in the same paralytically miserable fashion with any girls who did not up to a point resemble xS: with other girls I have had constructive and enjoyably loving relationships of one sort or another.

It is arguable therefore that xS is a consequence of unsatisfied attempted relationships, but as I cannot find any other origin I prefer to see xS as the origin, especially as others also have seen her, and to regard the unrequited love affairs as doomed attempts to find xS in ordinary girls outside before I recognised that the Archetype was arising within.

In any case, “the Eyes have it”: no ordinary human being, I think, could have those eyes, those blue**** eyes, and the Innocence of them.

*[See last previous email.]

**[One at least of which was in places, on the most generous interpretation, erotic, I seem to recall.]

***[[Redbook2:67A-B][19750327:1950][Tena in Araby][27^th March 1975]]

****(or blue-grey!)

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