{Speak!}[27th May 1988]

[Redbook5:125-126][19880527:2240d]{Speak!}[27th May 1988]

19880527.2240

[continued]

And connected with this is the second* pressure, linked to the returning pattern of the Circles, to go back out from this secure theological and actual base and get involved: that is, Speak! If my fiction is published, and I am required to publicise it, I may take the opportunity which I thought I would reject. If it is not: maybe I shall have to do what I dread, and travel 'cold' like a public salesman. My frequent images of my lovely family dead from accident, leaving me alone, while no doubt common to angst-ridden parents, may also suggest a recognition of the need not to to let responsibility to them tie me always here; superstitiously, I begin to wonder if I should leave in order that nothing does happen to them.**

My strange reluctance to sell the troublesome Land Rover motor caravan is, I think, connected with this pressure. So is my inability to be really settled here, or to forget the past for which I have announced my forgiveness,*** except when I am involved in this sort of thought and writing etc. (i.e. on this Theme – not just this Book****).

*[See last previous entry.]

{cf [[Redbook5:35][19880304:1835f]{The Beginning and the End}[3rd March 1988],] 35

IV. [[Redbook4:48-49][19870730:0010]{“Speak!”}[30th July 1987]&f,] 48

VI. [[[Redbook6:297][19891006:1513]{Speaking of [O]}[6th October 1989],] 297},<20190902>] 297,

[[Redbook6:139][19890630:2308b]{Searching for the Word to manifest the Spirit}[30th June 1989],<20190902>] 139.}

**[Blimey!]

***I rarely think of it, now <891009>

[Ref [Redbook5:66][19880316:1300]{Forgiveness}[16th March 1988];

[Redbook5:80][19880316:2143b]{Love and Forgiveness}[16th March 1988]]

****[i.e. these Journals]

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