{High and Low}[4th January 1990]

[Redbook7:9][19900104:2358]{High and Low}[4th January 1990]

19900104.2358

A temporary ‘blip’ again in my peace of mind after speaking to someone who knows of my dilemma, and of my negative views (although we did not discuss it this time) – led me to realise that my ‘anti’ moments tend to follow an attack or implied attack by an acquaintance on my personal fitness to be a priest (there have been several).* This negative state seems to be centred around my stomach.

On the other hand, the positive, inspirational state in which to become a Priest seems to be the only proper thing to do, because of the demand that is on me and the way in which it seems to predict its own expression – the manner of the expression, I mean, not of the prediction** – is centred within or around the upper part of my head.***

The negative state is fear – understandable, but a weakness to be overcome rather than a valid warning; the positive state is the higher.

* – if I am not being over-sensitive.

**{=?}

***(cf VI?.... [[Redbook6:190-193][19890803:0908d]{Love and Sex (5)}[3rd August 1989]ff])

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