{Communion [continued]}[3rd January 1988]

[Redbook4:282-283][19880103:1211c]{Communion [continued]}[3rd January 1988]

19880103.1211

[continued]

I now believe the young man* to be +C, my perception of +C†I~, or Christ. The experience was in no way homosexual: sexuality was present only as a small part of the whole of my being, with which that Communion took place. My fear and rejection arose when that Communion was already under way:** it was a fear and rejection of what I assumed to be a homosexual experience (more than just a dream), never of the young man himself. (My love for him, I imagine, only added to my waking guilt). It is in the nature of Dreams which verge on {or become} Experiences that the observer is often (but not always) perceived by himself to be where his body really is, i.e. in bed: cf. my dream of +M~ while writing [1],*** and numerous accounts of other visions. (Had I fallen asleep while standing up (as I did under [special forces reserve] interrogation training), or while sitting in Court (as I did sometimes during Chancery pupillage), it is quite possible that the experience would have taken place or been set within these circumstances.)

*[See last previous entry]

**(or completed: see [[Redbook4:283-284][19880103:1211d][{Communion [continued (3)]}][3rd January 1988],] p284.)

***II.[[Redbook2:264-265][19821114:1915]{[1]: A Visitation]}[14^th November 1982] (where being/remaining in bed is not specifically stated.)]

[continues]

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