{Communion [continued (3)]}[3rd January 1988]

[Redbook4:283-284][19880103:1211d]{Communion [continued (3)]}[3rd January 1988]

19880103.1211

[continued]

One's reaction to this* must depend on one's outlook on such matters and one's attitude to life in general. If you do not believe in principle or archetypes such as Christ, and the possibility of their realisation or projection within the Individual, no doubt it will seem obvious that I have sublimated homosexual tendencies into a delusion of a pseudo-religious nature. Were I to talk about it too much, no doubt drugs would be prescribed: and they might well end all this. It would not follow that the experience was not real, even objective, merely that my mind had been blocked from access to it: there are, after all, (I believe) drugs that can make you blind, but the World continues. Such a view inflates sex and negates the Spirit, distorting perception: the opinions, on this subject, of those who have not undergone this kind of experience are unlikely to be soundly based.

It is possible that my reaction – to fear and reject the intimacy of the Communion while loving and accepting the Man – is a part of the pattern of transition from Outer to Inner Circle:

[Text of ms diagram of which an extract is shown above:]

		+C†I~
	→
	↑R~↓
↑	↓
↑G~	↓

[The arrows above represent a continuous dashed curving line in the ms. diagram.]

At this stage one may simply not be ready for it. On the other hand, it may be a measure of my failure: it may be what tends to carry one on round the Outer Circle again. In this case I may have been given a second chance. I believe that one must carry Christ within one round the Inner Circle. I am heartened by the feeling that the Communion had taken place before my worldly fears took over: I am not even sure that my rejection actually had any effect on the experience, which may have already been completed before I began to react in this way.

*[See last two previous entries.]

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