{Differentiation}[8th December 1984]

[Redbook2:354-355][19841208:2300]{Differentiation}[8^th December 1984]

19841208.2300

Integration ====> Differentiation ...

        |

Singularity ====> Chaos ...

White ====> Black ...*

The problem – the worried [sic] problem – of +C as matter must be resolved by accepting it. +C** is pure undifferentiated matter: white including all undifferentiated colours. +Mk is differentiation: the essential process by which something is made of the Universe.

Entropy, the process of Singularity becoming Chaos, is the essential method by which that something is made out of the one thing which came from nothing. The continuation of that process is to pure differentiation which is one thing again, and so back to nothing.

Even our efforts to subcreate in the material differentiation are not, as we like to think, reversals or even arrests of the process of differentiation: they are pure distortions, slight decelerations or even tiny accelerations of the process. Note that differentiation, given time, adjusts itself to preserve its own steady progress: so the city is built by combinations of entropic reactions induced by humans, but decays all the faster than its 'naturally' differentiating environment – given time.

*[Diagram has been rotated through 90 degrees to assist typing. Some spacing may be lost in posting.]

**{Outer} How so?! (– symbolic)<930119>

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{Class}[25th November 1984]

[Redbook2:353][19841125:1105b]{Class}[25^th November 1984]

19841125.1105

(Sunday)

[continued]

We have had [F] to stay for the week before he goes in [to hospital]* – I first suggested it but [W] had already thought of it – and she finds it even more of a strain [...] than I do. It clears my mind, though, on 'class': not (for me) a matter of blood and parentage, nor of socio-economic groups, but of a refinement of mind: this makes [class] mobility, as between the generations, essential. I cannot stand his torture of the language; and his need to fill every space with things and himself, and every silence with his own voice. His manner of speech and movement proclaims him a low-grade villain, quite literally: anyone who bridles at such a description should first live with him on two occasions, as I have. But he is an old man in fear of pain and death, and I am glad if we have made a little less lonely what may be his last week of freedom.

We took him to see a ghastly show last night – 'Pump Boys and Dinettes' – surrounded by raucous laughter and farts, both of which one could see coming a mile off. The cast worked energetically and with skill on appalling material, and the theatre was packed (so far as I could see, anyway)

*[See last previous entry]

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{Cancers}[25th November 1984]

[Redbook2:352-353][19841125:1105]{Cancers}[25^th November 1984]

19841125.1105

(Sunday)

Last Sunday, while manipulating the patterns of symbols of the Astrologers' Zodiac, I became 'checked' on Cancer, * , realising that the double arrows of my dream** were virtually the same symbol, with the same meaning. I also wondered who this Astrological sign was appropriate to – without connecting that idea with the dream – and passed on.

Later, on Sunday night, [W] answered a message left that night from [F] on our answerphone and he told her that he had known since Thursday that he would have to go into hospital this Tuesday 27^th for an operation on his second cancerous lung and that he did not expect to come out. We had suspected cancer before but he had never told us.

On Monday morning I took a telephone call from the agent in Gloucestershire of the charitable trust from whom we had hoped to buy the old gamekeeper's cottage between Arina and Kenmore [in the Highlands], to be told that (a) that [particular] one was not available (although it had been empty apparently for 10 years and is falling down inside, an option expires in April and their trustee and ex-owner plans to 'do it up'); and that (b) although another property was becoming available, the policy of the Trust was to let, not sell, on a long lease at a yearly rent with reviews every 3 or 5 years – not an entertaining prospect. We decided to abandon the idea of moving there.

*[Astrological symbol of Cancer constellation in Zodiac inserted here]

**[[Redbook2:350][19841118:1935]{A Dream: Of Destinations}[18^th November 1984]]

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{Symbolic Lines}[18th November 1984]

[Redbook2:351][19841118:1935b]{Symbolic Lines}[18^th November 1984]

19841118.1935

[continued]

It occurred to me today that there may be more than one reason why people who never used them complained so loudly when their local (or other non-local) railway lines were closed or reduced. The obvious reason is that a railway symbolises connection and communication with Society in a more concise way than a road can. But it is a curious thing that although people rarely complained when an exactly duplicating and adjacent line (of which there were many) was closed, sensible attempts to single a double-track line in order to save it by reducing costs tend to be met with extraordinary opposition (e.g. on the Salisbury to Exeter line). 

 

It is just possible that this occurs because the symbolism is actually recognised at some 'level' by far more people than one would expect. The symbolism of the railway system itself might arise from the fairly rigid pattern of lines and choices involved, a part of and yet separate from the context through which the railway passes, and more easily comprehensible than the relative formlessness {of the network} of roads, tracks, paths and open spaces over which a vehicle might drive. The double-track railway might take this a stage further by symbolising the option to develop or regress. Or, for most people, this may be irrelevant – but I suspect it has something to do with* my own fascination with railways.

*[i.e. some part to play in]

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{A Dream: Of Destinations}[18th November 1984]

[Redbook2:350][19841118:1935]{A Dream: Of Destinations}[18^th November 1984]

19841118.1935

In a dream last night [W] and I were trying to see, from across a side-bay, the house we had picked on [sic] as right for us. We decided we could not see it because it was further along the shore than we had realised – at which point the dream became filled practically to overflowing with previously encountered symbols – such as the three Churches, and the cemetery [sic] filled with miniature statues – and some new ones: a railway overhead which looped back on itself simply in order to get round the bay and continue up the shore (rather as a railway might travel in a reverse curve in order to gain height); and a Church window stained only with the motif of two adjacent arrows pointing in opposite directions but each curving slightly towards the other: * (or something like that).**

*[Small sketch diagram inserted here exactly as described.]

**[See [Redbook2:352][19841125:1105]{Cancers}[25^th November 1984] (next entry but one)]

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{The Ends of Art}[21st October 1984]

[Redbook2:349][19841021:1315]{The Ends of Art}[21st October 1984]

19841021.1315

The led-up to the Booker Prize – I did not see the ceremony – led me to identify one wrongness in the Arts prize system.

A product of Artistic work as we see it – a painting, say, or a book – is the most visible result, the surface effect, of a most profound and subtle process. The prize system treats the product itself as the most profound aspect of the artistic process, the starting-point – on which the arts industry is to be built.

One response to this is to make discreet the whole business of prizes, so that they become a genuine support for those assessed (however crudely) as worthy of support – more like bursaries, perhaps, than rewards. Works need not be submitted formally by publishers etc. – although every artist should be able to publicize [sic] himself – but the prize 'judges' would be able to examine the whole of their field before offering support. The support, offered discreetly, could be freely refused*.

Artists, for their part, should learn to see the works produced as their own justification**. The need for recognition and for income should be met in whatever ways are most suitable, whether or not they involve the use of artistic products after completion, and without affecting the integrity of the artistic process.

*Of course! <930119>

**i.e. the works' justification <930119>

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{A Dream [continued]: ...and a Fear of Falling}[18th September 1984]

[Redbook2:347-348][19840918:1315c]{A Dream [continued]: ...and a Fear of Falling}[18^th September 1984]

19840918.1315

[continued]

Later* I was in a room similar to the 'Great Space' at [my first boarding school]. A production was being prepared or rehearsed. I was up a tall stepladder. A golden chalice (and plate? etc.?) took off and flew past me, returning in a wide loop at least once. Each time, I tried to reach out for it: each time, the ladder wobbled, I distinctly felt the fear of falling, and I withdrew too soon to touch the chalice. Eventually I descended the wobbly ladder; and although no one commented adversely, and life below continued as before with me among it, I was expecting something to be said, because I knew that once again I had failed at the test.

Many elements in these dreams can be attributed to persons or events with whom or which I have been involved during the past few days.

*[See last previous entry]

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{A Dream: Riding the Horses...}[18th September 1984]

[Redbook2:347][19840918:1315b]{A Dream: Riding the Horses...}[18^th September 1984]

19840918.1315

[continued]

I went to bed last night full of content[ment] after having shaped a satisfying pattern of symbols. In a dream I was with a smiling North American Indian girl on horseback, riding across a great plain; but she mentioned (or I noticed) her resemblance to Scottish girls of a particular facial type.

[continues]

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{A Dream: Walking with the Fair-haired Girl}[18th September 1984]

[Redbook2:347][19840918:1315]{A Dream: Walking with the Fair-haired Girl}[18^th September 1984]

19840918.1315

A dream the night before last involved a strange-yet-familiar fair-haired girl, whom I asked to go to bed with but who declined, saying that maybe we could go for walks together later; but later she appeared leaping about frantically owing to an insect in the room.

My mother was present in the earlier part of the dream, and until she had gone I was unable to ask the girl; but on her reply, I was concerned about [W]: it seems curious that I was concerned at the prospect of walking with the strange girl, but not at sleeping with her; although, in a way, that is logical.

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{Triangle and Quadrangle}[4th August 1984]

[Redbook2:346][19840804:2115b]{Triangle and Quadrangle}[4^th August 1984]

19840804.21.15

[continued]

The distinction between the triplet or triangle* and the four or quadrilateral is one of perception or purpose: the triangle is perceived in the dynamic achievement of results; the quadrilateral is perceived in the structure of existence and the framework around non-existence.

*[See last previous entry]

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{Becoming and Being}[4th August 1984]

[Redbook2:345-346][19840804:2115]{Becoming and Being}[4^th August 1984]

19840804.21.15

The triplet 'Sense-Decide-Act' from systems design, which I recall trying to fit to a similar triplet which [SX] picked up in the Far East (A+B=C), is interestingly fitted to the circles. [SX]'s insistence that triplets and triangles were what mattered – fours and squares were definitely out – led me to try a synthesis in which it was easy to identify triangles in squares – the question was, which triangle(s)? Sense-Decide-Act provides a possible answer, as follows.

The identifiable points common to triplet and quadrilateral are Sense and Act in the triplet corresponding to Revelation and Action in the quadrilateral. Given that movement is round, not through, the quadrilateral, Decide should be Unity/Attraction or Diversity/Distraction. The 'Inner' Circle, regarded as preferable, would make Decide occur at Diversity, not Unity; the 'Outer' at Attraction, not Distraction. This might be thought surprising, as Unity/Attraction is generally regarded as somehow preferable to Diversity/Distraction, in terms of Light v. Dark, Good v. Evil.

But the crucial distinction is of Motion and Station, Becoming and Being. The symbols attached to these points reflect this distinction in everyday terms. At Diversity is found the Magician, the Magus, the Serpent, Wisdom; at Unity is found the Fool. Sense-Decide-Act on the Outer Circle will pass through Attraction at the Decide stage: Attraction to Action. On the Inner Circle Wisdom will be at the Decide stage. The point is that both these circles involve Motion: not necessarily physical motion, but the motion involved in passing from one stage to another. (e.g. Sense-Decide-Action), i.e. Becoming. In motion Wisdom is required.

Unity is essentially a station of Being: on the outer circle Attraction provides an impetus to continue the motion, and to decide in this way is foolish in the outer world. The Fool in fact has no place in Becoming because he is beyond it: but in Being he is the only pure state, being at rest on a revolving World and the final point on the entry to that Non-being which is the centre of All. Becoming—Being—Non-being.

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{The Ugly Duckling}[2nd July1984]

[Redbook2:343-344][19840702:0830d]{The Ugly Duckling}[2nd July1984]

19840702.0830

[continued]

I came across an advertisement in Time Out [magazine] the other day: “Qabalah: Want to help organise and develop a practical, working group? Integrity and commitment are the only essential requirements. Ugly duckings needing confirmation of assumed swanhood please continue waiting until contacted; others ring 806-1787.' The instruction, concisely if perhaps unkindly put, encapsulates a serious problem for me, and a reason why it may be better for me to work on my own and not attend groups. I do expect people to listen to me as I listen to them; but by far the best way for me now seems to be to read, reflect, and write, and to preserve anonymity in all of this to avoid the risk of contamination by 'feedback'. – Not feedback of ideas: that will come if it will; but feedback of the 'outer' world kind which can corrupt fatally.

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{Re-union}[2nd July1984]

[Redbook2:343][19840702:0830c]{Re-union}[2nd July1984]

19840702.0830

[continued]

I attended a reunion at [my old Cambridge college] this last weekend and although my system was filled with alcoholic poisoning, it did provide a break in the routine of finance, figures and fears into which I have driven myself and out of which I have determined to remove myself – by sacking clients.

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{A Dream: The Right Lines [continued]}[2nd July1984]

[Redbook2:341-343][19840702:0830b]{A Dream: The Right Lines [continued]}[2nd July1984]

19840702.0830

[continued]

Just beyond this new station*, I entered the 'exhibition' building. But it was not an exhibition: it was an [educational] Institute. The young lady with masses of golden hair who was to run the day-long course gave us programme cards: it was to be a long day, with several long modules, ending at about 7.30pm. She explained to me that I (and one other?) might prefer to skip the last two modules and attend them instead on the next day when the course was being held (for a slightly different kind of person or cast of mind) – in Chelsea. I was disappointed at this; but I noticed that whereas everyone else had brought full geometry boxes with set squares etc., all I seemed able to set out on my desk were a pen or pencil, a six-inch ruler, and a rubber.

The first module began and I realised that I could not understand anything of it. However, towards the end of that module some music was played, ending on a recurring melody, which did mean something to me, although I could not pin it down.

At the end of the module a girl in front of me said (rather upset) that she could not understand it at all (or words to that effect) and that she was leaving; the golden-haired teacher said (with a touch of sarcastic sorrow) that the leaver had better go out and eat a lot of food. My neighbour, a brown-haired girl, and myself seemed to find this very funny, for we laughed; but at the same time I was a little ashamed of myself for laughing, as I knew that it was no laughing matter. It was at about this point, I think, that the dream ended.

(I am not absolutely certain about the curve on the 'Northern Line')**

I can trace some of the concepts in this dream possibly to very recent reading, but the symbols are more long-standing ones and an interesting mixture of ancient and modern, public and (apparently) more personal.

*[See end of last previous entry.]

**[See last previous entry. A track and platform diagram inserted here and labelled 'Kensal Green' (which it isn't) is too heavily overlaid with subsequent notes to be scanned in at present]

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{A Dream: The Right Lines}[2nd July1984]

[Redbook2:341-343][19840702:0830]{A Dream: The Right Lines}[2nd July1984]

19840702.0830

A dream this morning between first awaking and re-awaking (second awakening?!): I was due to attend some form of exhibition, and was worried about how to get my exhibit from the station to the exhibition. When I reached the station, however, there was no problem over any exhibit: I had none.

The station served two parallel sets of double-track [through]* lines: I think I had arrived on a westbound train, leaving the city. The two sets of tracks were not simply two pairs of a four-track route: they were two different networks running parallel. I made my way south across the southern platform (although I may have arrived at the centre platform I was not aware of the precise moment or method of crossing tracks; it is possible that I arrived at the southern platform).

I noticed a set of two spur tracks cutting though the southern platform, leaving the southern tracks to the west and joining, opposite me, a set of two tracks coming in from the west which entered an adjacent [through]* station headed 'Northern Line'. I had thought that I recognised the layout as West Hampstead (from which in fact it differs), until I saw a station sign on the smaller station ahead of me: 'Kensal Green'.

*[See next entry footnote]

[continues]

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{Truth for a Teller: and Symbols}[30th June 1984]

[Redbook2:339-340][19840630:1315c]{Truth for a Teller: and Symbols}[30^th June 1984]

19840630.1315

[continued]

The symbols which and with which I describe are with* my intellect understood to be symbols, a way of viewing the World, and therefore arguments as to the use of the word 'Truth' (such as in The Times today) do not greatly perplex me: I must speak the truth as I can perceive it, but others will perceive it in other ways; it is still the truth (if they speak truly) despite different appearance, as reflecting in one or another manner the Truth beyond, which is singular and all-embracing. So there are three points:

(i) the manner (or garment) clothing the Truth (the Truth which cannot absolutely be perceived without absorbing the perceiver) must depend upon the frame of mind and reference, etc. of the perceiver;

(ii) the ability of the perceiver to perceive clearly what is, as it were, projected 'from beyond' as distinct from what is projected from in front, his own side, depends upon his own development and awareness;

(iii) the inclination of the perceiver to tell the truth as he perceives it is, of course, the first vital point, and this includes not muddying the perceptions by (for example) using them to support arguments arrived at by logical reasoning (e.g. in political matters).

The three points or step are outlined here from the inside outwards, i.e. in the reverse order to the by which the explorer approaches the matter.

The problem is that intellectual knowledge of the matter of symbolism can only take the traveller so far: at a certain point the symbols must cease to be 'mere' symbols of the intellect and must live in the imagination if matters are to proceed further, or else they will never have the freedom to guide the perceiver. That is not to say that he cannot be aware of their intellectual status; but during exploration the imagination must lead the intellect, and not vice-versa.***

*{i.e, using}

**[Underlining added later]

***This piece, I think, sets me against every living philosopher and novelist of whose work I am aware (– not a vast number!), in one of those separations of ways across whose divides there is simply no meeting-point. <930119>

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{Royal [Societies]}[30th June 1984]

[Redbook2:338-339][19840630:1315b]{Royal [Societies]}[30^th June 1984]

19840630.1315

[continued]

Strengthened by our decision (communicated to the [client]) to pass the work back to an in-house bookkeeper and computer, I told a Council Member of the Royal Society of [Q] yesterday (but not in Council) that he was being big-headed* – which he was: a selfish child. As a group, they come across as money-grabbing and ignorant, and they smell; this is a generalisation, of course, not applying to each individual. They are very far from the ideals implied by Royal patronage and Charitable status; like many such Societies, they seem to think that the objects of Charitable status are themselves, which is not the case.

The Royal Society of [V] is a little more aware of its responsibilities, but the same labels apply there too in some degree: curiously, the membership (at least of the Councils) of the R[Q] and the R[V] reflect generally and accurately the major split between the classes in Britain, which is that between the upper-middle classes, the well-spoken, and the rest 'below' them, the accented. This split is not solely determined by ancestry, etc., but seems to reflect strongly a cast of mind and attitude to life and matters.

*{!}

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{Plans}[30th June 1984]

[Redbook2:337-338][19840630:1315]{Plans}[30^th June 1984]

19840630.1315

Impelled by the pressure of mental activity – unbearable and physical, at times – we have made a crucial decision to give up over the next few months the client who provides more than half our routine (and nearly all non-routine) work, and around a quarter of our fees: gaining thereby the free time we had expected but not obtained, at the cost of £[...] (taxable) per month. An excellent bargain, but one not easy to assess in the middle of it all. We will also lease a photocopier capable of producing saleable copies at an economic price (if there is one), and buy binders etc.. We may even instal a computer system (for our clients).... We are moving again, in the right direction, and my writing is becoming pompous.

Not winning even one of the five travel awards in the Betty Trask prize was surprising*, in a way, but contributed to the firing of resolve to do it alone. If Fabers only** will offer a limited contract, and that is as much as 20 years with 10 year review, should even accepted authors be using publishers? In due course we shall produce partially-typeset material using Wordstar on the Sirius [PC], master-printed on the automatically-fed Juki (if I have time to acquire the knowledge, I may try to write a true typesetting program for Wordstar output); we shall copy these single-sided A4 masters automatically onto double-sided A5 copies; we shall bind them as best we can within the budget, and distribute them, first in London, then elsewhere from a motor-home converted into a travelling office.**

*Come on! – Not their kind of romantic fiction.... <930117>

**[i.e. alone.]

**Oh, plans! <930119>

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