{A Dream: Of a House Haunted by Memories [continued]}[20th August 1988]

[Redbook5:327-328][19880820:1007c]{A Dream: Of a House Haunted by Memories [continued]}[20th August 1988]

19880820.1007

[continued]

Phew! For a while I have been troubled by a recurrence of the old depression,* fixing on the past, which seemed to come to a peak as I approached and reached Outer A~ in the booklet – which I assumed was the reason. At first I assumed that the dream** referred to this general fixation on the past, which graphically [sic] tells me nothing I did not know.

But as a preliminary to starting out on the booklet this time I had read right through my Journals for only the second time (The first time I made text comments – this time I made references in my booklet section notes.) The first time I felt was valuable, but [I] did not mean to repeat it: it seemed to be appropriate to its time, if perhaps slightly delayed. The second time, this time, has turned out to be practically worthless, and rather morbid at least as far as [Journal] Book I is concerned: I now think that it has triggered off [sic] my retrogressive and destructive depression by projecting me back into my own past. This seems to be the moral of the two items in the dream – the early scribbled verse or note, and the Scrabble box containing only junk.*** In which case it tells me graphically something I did not know, but can well believe; and which is vital to my psychic well-being.****

*Not just in relation to the flat# but to past (& present) parental (and family) behaviour in general. The family are the past. (Not our own little family here, of course: I mean the […] family centred on [the land around [C]].

**[See last previous entry]

*** ‘Scrabble’ is [of course] a game of forming words from a limited number of letters.

****Perhaps this applies to anything, once written. <880906!>

#[See many entries in Vols III & IV]

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