{Forgiveness and Repentance [continued]}[17th March 1988]

[Redbook5:82-83][19880317:2010b]{Forgiveness and Repentance [continued]}[17th March 1988]

19880317.2010

[continued]

What is interesting is that by forgiving my parents* without waiting for their repentance I have thrown the burden of their injustice from me – **something which I thought I could do by cutting myself off, but found after a while that I could not because I could not cut myself off. *** Physically I could (and may continue to be) cut off myself from them; psychologically, I could not and cannot. ****I began recently to dream of my mother old and in tears from this. I still recognise the injustice, but it is no longer a burden: if ever it threatens to creep back, I say to myself: 'I have forgiven them!' – and my joy triumphs.

It is also interesting that my forgiveness of them seems to have been the necessary precondition for a transformation of my state of mind which was quite unexpected – although I felt that something was lacking – and seems to return me to a fuller experience of something I experienced many years ago, or think I did, if only intermittently. At all events there is a tremendous familiarity about it: like meeting an old and much-loved, trusted and respected friend whom one had forgotten, at least the reality of, over many years; and yet more, much more than a friend: an inhabitant?

#

*[See last previous entry.]

**ref III

[See [Redbook5:66][19880316:1300]{Forgiveness}[16th March 1988] & fn refs; &

[Redbook5:80][19880316:2143b]{Love and Forgiveness}[16th March 1988].]

***{?}

****{(Dreams [sic] of Mother)}{cf. [[Redbook5:93-94][19880318:1005]{Dream of Inner Sybil}[18tth March 1988]] 93 [fn]}

#{ref [[Redbook5:208][19880718:1005]{Forgiveness: What we do and what we are}[18^th July 1988],] 208}

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