{Secret Griefs}[3rd March 1988]

[Redbook5:32-33][19880303:2347]{Secret Griefs}[3rd March 1988]

19880303.2347

Last night, at about bed-time, I was disturbed by images of a child of ours, perhaps [d], perhaps [s], perhaps neither – perhaps a little older than either – falling away down a long or deep hole in the ground with pitiful cries: 'Mummy! Mummy!' – while its mother knelt and watched in helpless agony of mind.

In bed, I was further troubled by ideas of [...] being taken from us by the Social Services, through a misunderstanding of signs.

During the night I dreamt that a room in our house was alive with bugs – insects – on walls, floor and ceiling: and on the cot of our child in the corner. We could do nothing about it. The room – a southward wing of our house, in actuality non-existent – was in danger of collapse. I passed a restless night.

This evening on the local news I heard that another small child had died of meningitis – this time in a village only ten or so miles south from here. I had no idea it had come so close.

Francis Bacon* wrote: 'The joys of parents are secret, and so are their griefs and fears....'**

*[Francis Bacon, 1st Viscount St Alban, PC KC, 22 January 1561 – 9 April 1626), was an English philosopher, statesman, scientist, jurist, orator, and author. He served both as Attorney General and as Lord Chancellor of England. (– Wikipaedia.) He had no children.]

**[

'THE JOYS of parents are secret; and so are their griefs and fears. They cannot utter the one; nor they will not utter the other. Children sweeten labors; but they make misfortunes more bitter. They increase the cares of life; but they mitigate the remembrance of death. The perpetuity by generation is common to beasts; but memory, merit, and noble works are proper to men. And surely a man shall see the noblest works and foundations have proceeded from childless men; which have sought to express the images of their minds, where those of their bodies have failed. So the care of posterity is most in them that have no posterity....'

(Francis Bacon: Essays, Civil and Moral. VII: Of Parents and Children.)

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