{Art and Reality}[14th February 1979]

[Redbook2:141B][19790214:1525]{Art and Reality}[14^th February 1979]

19790214.1525

Basically there are two ways at least of treating a piece of writing (and perhaps any other work of creative art). One is to regard it as an exercise in art, and the other is to treat it as reality. I have always tended to treat fiction as reality, which is probably why I found literary criticism and the critical approach incomprehensible at school. That is not to say that I am unaware of the techniques of form, because I am, although perhaps not yet enough; but I am aware of them as a part of the reality existing within the art, and not as defining the art perceived within our reality.

[PostedBlogger31102014]

{Uncle [U]}[11th February 1979]

[Redbook2:141A][19790211:0000]{Uncle [U]}[11^th February 1979]

19790211

A classic conversation with [Uncle] [U] on the phone from [...][continental Europe] (all very clearly spoken).

U: 'Hello?'

Self: 'Hello. Is that [U]?'

U: 'Yes. Is [M] there?'

Self: 'No, she's at a Church service. It's [H] here.'

U: 'Is that [B]?'

Self: 'No, it's [H].'

U: 'Oh, hello, [H], it's your Uncle [U] here.'!

[PostedBlogger30102014]

{Short-term Memory and the Unconscious Mind}[17th January 1979]

[Redbook2:140A][19790117:0000]{Short-term Memory and the Unconscious Mind}[17^th January 1979]

[…][H] 17/1/79

Turning a column of figures into various percentages (!) I found that the % given at the head of the column had, in one case, appeared as '20 %'* when it should have been '2%'. I noted this mentally but did not alter it on the paper.

Doing the calculations on the calculator automatically, I several times read this again as 20%** – only noticing later, on each occasion. This did not happen if I was thinking about what I was doing.

This ponderous experience, ponderously related, leads to the thought that the un-conscious part of my mind has no memory for (perhaps does not even register?) short-term conclusions.

*[In the manuscript entry the first '0' of the '%' is omitted.]

**[Final % corrected in typescript and blogpost from 2% to 20% as in manuscript <20151122>!]

[PostedBlogger29102014]

{A Dream of Aircraft in the Hills [continued]}[17th November 1978]

[Redbook2:138-139][19781117:0010b]{A Dream of Aircraft in the Hills [continued]}[17^th November 1978]

19781117.0010

[continued]

While I do not think I can draw any firm conclusions about the nature of the first two images**, the difference between them and the later part of the dream is analogous to the difference between the possibly foresighted recurrent images I described earlier (19781112)*** and the 'normal' images (whether 'uncontrolled', prompted or constructed – and these seemed to differ in quality among themselves) which are the usual output of my brain or mind.

Here at [CH], the windy pass 800 feet up in the Welsh hills, we are often startled by one or more military jet aircraft flying past just above or even at or below our level, in clear or misty weather*. We have also (without conscious memory of this dream) discussed whether the aircraft are the Tornado (as the MRCA is now called) or some other aircraft. <870811>

(as we did at U [in the Scottish Highlands]) <870813>

*And recently by exactly such an aerial dog-fight with tight turns and manoeuvres above our heads, as described above. <880324>

**[See last previous entry but one]

***[Redbook2:134 at 19781112:2112 (last previous date above)]

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{A Dream of Aircraft in the Hills [continued]}[17th November 1978]

[Redbook2:138-139][19781117:0010a]{A Dream of Aircraft in the Hills [continued]}[17^th November 1978]

19781117.0010

[continued]

I think it was after these two images*, not before, that I asked if one of the aircraft was the MRCA**. There was discussion on this point. The aircraft's wings swung forward, thereby (apparently) proving the point. Certainly it was after those first two intense images that its wings fell off. We scrambled down the hill (that […] hill [near to C] for sure now) to look for it, but found only neatly arranged parts of aircraft: someone had been there before us....

These scenes, described after the first two intense images*, lacked the intensity and surprise of the first two: they were of ordinary, everyday colouring merely, and each event followed on almost predictably from the question or suggestion which had itself resulted from the preceding event. It is notable also that they can be explained (if one chooses) almost entirely as an effort to comprehend and place some information (the first two images*) which had come as a complete surprise, even as a shock, to the perception (presumably) responsible for that effort.

*[See last previous entry]

**[Multi-Role Combat Aircraft]

[continues]

[PostedBlogger27102014]

{A Dream of Aircraft in the Hills}[17th November 1978]

[Redbook2:138-139][19781117:0010]{A Dream of Aircraft in the Hills}[17^th November 1978]

19781117.0010

A dream last night was divided into parts of a different quality, although I am not absolutely certain of the order in the middle. I think it happened in this order: we saw from a hilltop (which I assumed to be the one at the [Farm] end of the […], although I realise now that it didn't look like it) military jet aircraft engaged in an aerial dogfight of great complexity, in tight turns and manoeuvres above our heads. Then I saw to my surprise that the view down and north was not what I expected – i.e. the C – but a much higher view of a dark green rolling country, far below (perhaps with thin clouds or mist?). These two images were of an intensity and suddenness unlike normal dreams.

[continues]

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{Clear Sight, Pure Knowledge and Remote Effect [continued]}[12th November 1978]

[Redbook2:134-137][19781112:2112e]{Clear Sight, Pure Knowledge and Remote Effect [continued]}[12^th November 1978]

19781112.2112

[continued]

Whether this* happens again, and whether I shall be able to test it by drawing correct conclusions in advance of the events, remains to be seen. I am not prepared to admit to S that I accept this analysis as being necessarily correct: nothing confuses the question of foresight more than the answers of hindsight. We shall see.

*[See last 5 previous entries]

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{Clear Sight, Pure Knowledge and Remote Effect [continued]}[12th November 1978]

[Redbook2:134-137][19781112:2112d]{Clear Sight, Pure Knowledge and Remote Effect [continued]}[12^th November 1978]

19781112.2112

[continued]

If these* have any significance, the last-mentioned has probably the least – on the same level as finding myself standing, if I don't think about it, eight or nine times out of ten outside the one of the three lift doors that opens in Mobil Court (one might have heard it move). S thinks the two recurring images the most important; but it was the 'pure thought' conclusion of KN's approaching death, discovered already incorporated into my own plans for action (i.e. do not push him because of the danger of being presented with responsibility for it), which shocked me and led me seriously to consider the significance of the images. She is right in one sense in that I could have unconsciously assessed KN's condition – it was in fact not just what I saw but what I heard that stayed in my mind.

Similarly I have assumed that I picked up the information on [cousin N] from the voice on the telephone – the nurse? – who left them [D and M] a message to ring back, and from their actions in going over to her (But I did not draw any conscious conclusions from these factors, nor was I aware of them as being significant).

But if these symbolic or graphic representations were in fact of the events upon which they ceased – R losing her baby, and L's diabetes – there is no way I could have known about them that I can imagine, through the normal channels of communication.

*[See last 4 previous entries]

[continues]

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{Clear Sight, Pure Knowledge and Remote Effect [continued]}[12th November 1978]

[Redbook2:134-137][19781112:2112c]{Clear Sight, Pure Knowledge and Remote Effect [continued]}[12^th November 1978]

19781112.2112

[continued]

I also recalled, half-seriously, the strange coincidence of the traffic lights when I was desperate to see [KD] one evening. I had left her at […] Inn in order to take [IG] to a C weekend of S's and mine. I found she (IG) had already gone to bed. I hesitated in the streets near [Chelsea] Square, wondering whether to go, turning back at least once before I did. I finally decided to return to […] Inn, now with great urgency. A taxi passed. I hailed it: it went on. Someone up the street hailed it and it stopped. As I passed them they – a couple – said: 'It's yours' (or something like that) and walked away.

All the [traffic] lights were red until Buckingham Palace Road. I was desperate. I was crying out silently. If that is praying, I was praying. All the lights were green from them on.

We drove through […] Inn gates just as most of the party ([…]) drove off, including D's car. I jumped out of the taxi too late.

I found K[D] sitting in her mini next to the taxi, waiting to drive off. A moment later would have been too late – a moment earlier and I might have gone with the others, to a different destination, assuming K[D] had left (it was dark, I think).

The traffic light system is computer-controlled.

[continues]

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{Clear Sight, Pure Knowledge and Remote Effect [continued]}[12th November 1978]

[Redbook2:134-137][19781112:2112b]{Clear Sight, Pure Knowledge and Remote Effect [continued]}[12^th November 1978]

19781112.2112

[continued]

I recalled finding my ring by the canal*, while my 'rational' mind was 'disengaged' by occupation with reciting (silently) a Kipling poem: I think I have described elsewhere** how, having lost it a month before on clearance work I returned to find the grass had sprung up etc. and found the ring under the first piece of grass I lifted.

*[Well Creek, near the Middle Level Main drain at Upwell and Outwell in the Fens.]

**[Only in fiction]

[continues]

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{Clear Sight, Pure Knowledge and Remote Effect [continued]}[12th November 1978]

[Redbook2:134-137][19781112:2112a]{Clear Sight, Pure Knowledge and Remote Effect [continued]}[12^th November 1978]

19781112.2112

[continued]

S reminded me of something that had not come to mind – my certainty of [cousin N]'s death on the night she died, to the extent of getting up from reading in the C kitchen, going next door to the scullery and saying out loud that I wanted it to go away.

[continues]

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{Clear Sight, Pure Knowledge and Remote Effect}[12th November 1978]

[Redbook2:134-137][19781112:2112]{Clear Sight, Pure Knowledge and Remote Effect}[12^th November 1978]

19781112.2112

Tonight on the way up from C I told S what I have told no-one else: about the image of R's impalement on a stake, violent and frightening, which recurred frequently (causing me to wonder what kind of person I was becoming) until she lost her first baby, since when it has never recurred (at that time I saw it as a sick coincidence, I think); about the recurring image of a young girl child's naked stomach, associated with our L and the idea of something hollow and fragile, which ceased when we discovered she was diabetic; and about a strong feeling when I first met [KN] in October at Sheffield Park, and heard him speak, that we must stop worrying him or we should find ourselves presented with some responsibility for his death – I said that[,] when I first got home, not however considering whether he would be dead within a month, as he is ([AG] had thought him much better – less excitable – on that occasion than previously).

[continues]

[PostedBlogger20102014]

{Narrative Dreams}[31st August 1978]

[Redbook2:133][19780831:2240]{Narrative Dreams}[31st August 1978]

19780831.2240

Once again, last night, those vivid narrative semi-controlled dreams (semi-controlled in the sense that while the changes in circumstances are not expected, I seem to control my (or the central figure's) responses within them), signifying as always the change in daily routine occurring when I join a course away from work. They remind me that even if I am never published, I must find an outlet for creative imagination.

[A Times 28/10/78 cutting inserted here headed “Birthdays give clue to careers” & “An undiscovered biological rhythm may be the key” reports on statistical research into the effect of birthdays on character and occupation by Professor Alan Smithers of Manchester University’s Department of Education, reported in the American “Journal of Social Psychology” & referenced extensively in later journal entries here. <20210124>]

[PostedBlogger19102014]

{Publication [continued (6)]}[30th August 1978]

[Redbook2:129-132][19780830:2110]{Publication [continued (6)]}[30^th August 1978]

19780830.2110

I have to admit that I have now finished 'Galactic Pot Healer'. I suppose in it's way it is quite entertaining, even clever: it was no struggle to finish.

But I can only write what I am moved to write. After a certain point, modification of that principle becomes pointless: I should become a liar, than which in a writer there are few things more distasteful. Dishonesty and cynicism on the printed page, standing between the mind of the author and his pen, stand also between the print and the reader. (This is different from the self-deceit which produces great propaganda, convincing because the perpetrator believes his own lies.)

(Nor should this be confused with the distinction between subjectivity and objectivity in art.)

[PostedBlogger18102014]

{Publication [continued (5)]}[29th August 1978]

[Redbook2:129-132][19780829:2025d]{Publication [continued (5)]}[29^th August 1978]

19780829.2025

[continued]

So, oddly and ironically (can it be both?), and perhaps stupidly, at least the end of uncertainty hardens my purpose – or does it?!

Perhaps a desire for 'objectivity' in writing has simply made me too formal – for myself, I mean.

Even more ironically, today in the Times was published a poem by Christopher Logue, 'The Poet Mandel'shtam's Debut'** (an anagram?) which seemed to me to be painfully apposite to my situation*. Then I came home, and Gollancz's parcel was delivered to D on the doorstep (I must move home!). *(Poor S[E-T]'s position is obviously painful – for both of us).

Now I am tired.

**

[Image of press cutting (above) inserted <20190129>]

[re ll7-9, cf [Redbook1:206][19710612]{Vacant Possession}[12th June 1971] <20190129>]

[continues]

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{Publication [continued (4)]}[29th August 1978]

[Redbook2:129-132][19780829:2025c]{Publication [continued (4)]}[29^th August 1978]

19780829.2025

[continued]

To analyse further: my desire to be published is something that happens, basically, after I have written, largely as a product of my hope for justification in the eyes of the World (more particularly, of those whose attitudes I have to live with). Fundamentally, I write for an entirely different reason: to restore a balance inside myself, at least temporarily. There is no earthly reason why I should not go on doing that, and at the same time developing the craftsman's skills for the sake of his delight in a thing well done, while, I hope, continuing to construct and sort out within my own mind my own view of the World.

[continues]

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{Publication [continued (3)]}[29th August 1978]

[Redbook2:129-132][19780829:2025b]{Publication [continued (3)]}[29^th August 1978]

19780829.2025

[continued]

And yet, I am convinced that '[T]' is better written (and more interesting) than, for example, 'Galactic Pot-Healer' by Philip K. Dick (first published here by Gollancz)(which I happened to buy for some reason recently, and have so far been unable to finish, or even get into).

(Then I turned over the pages of the book, Galactic Pot-Healer, and found someone discussing Caritas, a word and concept which intrigued me a year or so ago....).

[continues]

[PostedBlogger15102014]

{Publication [continued]}[29th August 1978]

[Redbook2:129-132][19780829:2025a]{Publication [continued]}[29^th August 1978]

19780829.2025

[continued]

What this means is that, although I shall go on sending '[T]' (and anything else I may write) to publishers on the off-chance, I shall not write for publishers or readers. I shall try to 'raise' my standards despite this, but by my own judgement. Unless I feel the need to do so, I shall not write at all. This may, therefore, mark the end of my writing 'career', in which case I shall have to find some other outlet for my creative energy or risk becoming distorted. This is all particularly ironic in view of the last entry I made in this book, concerning 'Close Encounters'.

[continues]

[PostedBlogger14102014]

{Publication}[29th August 1978]

[Redbook2:129-132][19780829:2025]{Publication}[29^th August 1978]

19780829.2025

This entry marks a shift of purpose: failure even to be short-listed or attract comment in the Guardian fantasy competition, with '[T]' (which I am still pleased with), indicates that it is pointless to continue trying to write for publication. I believe that I can write adequately, that I have creative imagination, and that my ideas are becoming interesting; it may be that, from a publisher's point of view, I simply cannot tell a good story about people. Whatever the reason for this failure, the fact is that the response has, both times, fallen below even my lowest expectations. I did not expect Cape to publish '[JW]', but I did expect a little encouragement: I received none; the letter (which I presume was the result of S[E-T, my literary mentor]'s note to [CL]) saying in effect that whether I continued to write was up to me, but that I should not expect to make a living from it for a very long time (if I remember rightly). I did not expect Victor Gollancz etc. to choose '[T]' to win (the competition was open to unpublished works by published writers), but I hoped to be short-listed and I expected encouraging comment. The commercial verdict seems clear.

[continues]

[PostedBlogger13102014]

{Religious Freedom}[11th July1978]

[Redbook2:128A][19780711:0833]{Religious Freedom}[11^th July1978]

19780711.0833

An essential religious freedom is the freedom not to be religious.

[PostedBlogger12102014]

{Close Encounters}[18th June 1978]

[Redbook2:127][19780618:0015]{Close Encounters}[18^th June 1978]

19780618.0015

'Close Encounters of the Third Kind' …. Clearly, some of the visions or symbols which have occurred to me have a more universal dissemination: the lights (shining pillars) from the skyships, the influence of music (in particular, the main theme, almost a mirror-image of one which occurred to me for use from the skyships), the shape of the Devil's Tower (in my mind, similar to an island fortress....): in fact the whole theme of external assistance with access to the inner mind of Man, technologically superior but with a mystic significance far beyond technology.... And the use of the creative inspiration and talents of men to communicate this message, whether through formal musical analysis, artistic inspiration, or the driving passion of the creator....

[PostedBlogger11102014]

{Innocence and Evil}[30th May1978]

[Redbook2:125][19780530:1740]{Innocence and Evil}[30th May1978]

19780530.1740

Can there be anything evil which cannot know itself to be evil?

Can anything be evil which does not know itself to be evil?

[PostedBlogger10102014]

{An Experience: Fission Child [continued]}[7th May1978]

[Redbook2:123][19780507:2305a]{An Experience: Fission Child [continued]}[7th May1978]

19780507.2305

[continued]

Needless to say, I have been unable to bring about such an experience again: but I am as certain as I can be that it was not 'merely' a dream or imagination, because the factors were so distinct. I have described this badly, inevitably, but it shows a remarkable similarity to the tripartite division which I had recently tended to question: between Awareness, Creation, and Reason*. This experience would indicate a close link between Creativity and Memory, which given the associative nature of much creative endeavour is not implausible. On the other hand, I may have completely misinterpreted it! Where does the/a Subconscious/Computer fit in? Is it part of Creation/Memory?

*[See 1:297A-I: 19730501:0000: The Wind, the Edge of the Sea, and Fusion Child]

[PostedBlogger09102014]

{An Experience: Fission Child}[7th May1978]

[Redbook2:123][19780507:2305]{An Experience: Fission Child}[7th May1978]

19780507.2305

I should record this now, before my memory changes: A couple of days ago while revising I began to doze off (Easy!]. I became suddenly properly aware of the flood of imaginations, as is usual, but rising as though on a screen just behind my closed eyelids: and as I did so I noticed the strong, questioning faculty reverse its close-down towards sleep and rise in response to this awareness, as if it were a solid tower pushing itself up before the screen: inevitably, to block it out. This was strange enough, being the clearest vision I have ever had of the relation between these two; but what struck me with great force when I had fully woken up was that the point of awareness of these two processes was neither of them: it was a third factor, summoning the second up (without my being aware of how it was done) in response to the first.

[continues]

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{National Order [continued]}[7th May1978]

[Redbook2:120-122][19780507:1330d]{National Order [continued]}[7th May1978]

19780507.1235

[continued]

Such attempts*, while in the short term possibly meeting with some success, are in the long term doomed to failure if they fly in the face of economic and direct popular pressures. The problem (to switch the imagery) is to avoid ourselves being swept away along with our solutions. The correct answer is not thus to attempt to build against the tide breakwaters, which will be swamped – and us with them – but to build boats, and ride the waves, attempting so to stay dry, steer in the current, and make landfall at some point we might have chosen for ourselves.

*[i.e. to reimpose order – see last previous post]

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{National Order [continued]}[7th May1978]

[Redbook2:120-122][19780507:1330c]{National Order [continued]}[7th May1978]

19780507.1235

[continued]

While the contributions of the empire and of the economic revolution continue after them, we as a Nation are only marginally concerned with that: our position now is that we, ahead of others, are entering another period of uncertainty – disorder and inspiration – which could prove of great benefit. The obvious reaction to this uncertainty is to attempt to re-impose order – the policy of the Conservative Party and the Unions.

[continues]

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{National Order [continued]}[7th May1978]

[Redbook2:120-122][19780507:1330b]{National Order [continued]}[7th May1978]

19780507.1235

[continued]

It is notable that Britain's greatest period of influence and expansion, the foundation of all her later strengths – i.e., the period from c.1650 to c.1850, and more particularly the eighteenth century – provided (at least on my interpretation) a balanced framework of relative (but not rigid) order at home within which could be founded development as the product of great creative genius, both economically at home and territorially abroad. By the time of late Victorian rigidity, it is arguable that both economy and empire had begun their decay.

[continues]

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{National Order [continued]}[7th May1978]

[Redbook2:120-122][19780507:1330a]{National Order [continued]}[7th May1978]

19780507.1235

[continued]

Having said that*, of course, one must remember that it is a matter of degree: order is also essential, not least as a framework within which creativity may operate and which it must develop.

'Where there is no vision, the people perish:

But he that keepeth the law, happy is he.'

But, if one can measure or assess a 'balance' with any claim to objectivity, then the balance must always be, ultimately, in favour of creativity within a changing world.

*[See last previous post]

[continues]

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