[Redbook7:40][19900207:1148][Potty][7th February 1990]
----
.1148
Glory be! [s] seems to have become potty-trained....*
*[See eg [Redbook7:32-35][19900202:1018c]{Time and Fatigue}[2nd February 1990]ff]
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[Redbook7:40][19900207:1109c]{Art and Materialism [continued (3)]}[7th February 1990]
19900207.1109
[continued]
By being ‘hung up on materialism’,* I mean that state of mind of art-lovers and aesthetes which sees only the superficial attraction (or distraction) of form in beauty, and likes to surround itself with beautiful things while not apparently being able to see or move beyond them. This is more of a consumer than a producer condition, in Art.
*[See last two previous entries, [Redbook7:38][19900207:1109]{Art and Materialism}[7th February 1990]&f]
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[Redbook7:39-40][19900207:1109b]{Art and Materialism [continued]}[7th February 1990]
19900207.1109
[continued]
As sometimes happens, the problem* has been at least partly resolved by the way I wrote it: unexpectedly using the term ‘hung up’ [above],* which had not come to mind when I thought about the problem beforehand.
Materialistic art is static: hence materialism is more likely at J~, in painting, sculpture etc. (and even more so in arty crafts such as furniture, particularly among collectors); less likely at G~ (literature etc); less [still] at R~ (music etc).
O[uter] C[ircle] dynamic art brings about fragmentation, revolution, simplification, moving away from materialism; I[nner] C[ircle] dynamic art, which is permeated by the light of the Spirit within, moves towards and through the diversity of the physical universe (A~) (ie being in but not of the material world, a condition characteristic of the Inner Circle), from which in particular the plastic arts obtain their physical material, in order to rise beyond it (through m~): in exactly the same way as anyone on the I[nner] C[ircle] should.
*[See last previous entry]
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Redbook7:39-40][19900207:1109]{Art and Materialism}[7th February 1990]
19900207.1109
There’s and interesting paradox (or inaccuracy) of Circles Analysis and Synthesis* relating to art (these thoughts arise out of Salman Rushdie’s lecture delivered by Harold Pinter at the I[nstitute of] C[ontemporary] A[rts] yesterday).
I notice that art can tend to get hung up on materialism (actually, literature and music [are] less likely to do this than the plastic or concrete arts, eg sculpture; and, to some extent, painting).
The problem is that the O[uter] C[ircle], if art is at J~[-]G~[-]R~, leads away from materialism (around A~), while the I[nner] C[ircle] leads towards A~.
*άναλυσις = loosing up, ‘taking to pieces’
άνα = up, from bottom to top
λυσις = loosing, unravelling, setting free;
συνθεσις = composition
(Smith & Melluish, T[each] Y[ourself] Greek, pp 33, 294, 312)
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[Redbook7:38][19900204:2117]{The Inner Sense of Innocence}[4th February 1990]
.2117
A combination of events, perhaps – the exercise of* the last few pages, [sic] clearing out rubbish and sorting priorities, necessary at intervals; doing the shopping, for the first time under our new system, yesterday, and apparently getting it right; even watching ‘Children of the Damned’,** this morning, with its curious combination of of psi-fi themes and the resurrection of decaying Christian symbolism – has left me with something of that long-lost sense of wholeness, of integrity, of healing and even prophecy, in a renewed awareness of that inner dimension of Reality, the Spiritual Kingdom, by a re-sensitisation of the inner sense.
*[Ref [Redbook7:37][19900204:1355]{The Wind}[4th February 1990]; &al?]
**[1964 sequel to ‘Village of the Damned’ (1960), based on John Wyndham’s ‘The Midwich Cuckoos’ (1957)]
[See [Redbook7:34-35][19900202:1500]{Time and Fatigue [continued (4)]}[2nd February 1990]]
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[Redbook7:38][19900204:1355b]{The Authority of the Words is the Words themselves}[4th February 1990]
19900204.1355
[continued]
The Disciples and other followers did not{:} pay attention to Jesus’ words because they thought he was the Son of God.* They said he was the Son of God because of what they heard when they listened to him. And so it must be with us: The authority of the words is the words themselves.**
*It is clear that miracle-workers and healers were not all that uncommon in Palestine at that time.
**{cf [2], [xS][:]}
[ ‘“By what authority do you answer questions?"
“By the authority of the answers.” [xS] replied at once.
This silenced me for a minute or two. After I had thought about it, I said carefully: “One of the problems we have here, is that people will normally only ask important questions of those who they expect will give an authoritative answer – that is, those seen to have authority to answer the question. If we invite them, by whatever means, to come to put their questions to you, they won't even come – unless they get a satisfactory answer to their first question: ‘By what authority will she answer my questions?’.”
“Nevertheless the authority of the answers is the answers themselves.” [xS] replied. “If the answer does not carry its own authority to the questioner, then they are not fit for each other, and he had better disregard it.”’
&
‘“The authority of the answers is the answers themselves.” [xP] said. “If you don't like them, you can leave.”’
– [2] (subject to revision)]
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[Redbook7:37][19900204:1355]{The Wind}[4th February 1990]
19900204.1355
The wind that destroyed the mobile [home]* – I have just cleared [the debris from] our neighbour’s field, leaving only the side of the track to do – lifted at least one piece too heavy for me to lift and flung it across the track, up the bank (where most of it was left), over two small trees at the top of the bank, and into the field on the other side, the one I have just cleared. Yet this was the only one, or one of the only two, windows of the mobile [home]* whose glass was broken.
In the rest of the farm [building complex], which is upwind of the mobile [home], and sheltered it, we lost one high barn panel, which had already been unsecured and pushed out at the bottom by our predecessors; another was bent; and some garage roof sheets began to flap (beams already broken, now repaired). That was all. †
*[Also sometimes called static caravans]
[ref [Redbook7:31][19900201:2140]{Dream: Trying to get into the Church}[1st February 1990]]
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[Redbook7:37][1990[0]203:1043b]{Death Symbolism}[3rd February 1990]
1990[0]203.1043
[continued]
It occurred to me that when eccentric Christian sects go crazy * with speaking in tongues etc., they may be manifesting that R~ degree which, as well as being the haunt of schizophrenics, represents the final disintegration of the personality in death (of one type or another) in preparation for re-birth (or not): so not only is speaking in tongues (in Churches) more closely related to hearing voices (in Schizophrenia), but both are resonant with the final death and resurrection for the Day of Judgement.**
Quite a thought.
*& cf the connection between this sort of religious craziness and epilepsy
(ref vol II.... [[Redbook2:202-203][19810914:1900a]{An Epileptic Fit}[14th September 1981]ff]) (c1981)?
**the Day Outside Time, of course.
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[Redbook7:36][1990[0]203:1043]{House repairs}[3rd February 1990]
1990[0]203.1043
I often feel that I should have spent money when we had it, on the important repairs needed here: the chimney (repointing or rebuilding), and the rotten south windows, lintels and joist ends (replacement).* These are potentially dangerous, although the risk is low. I didn’t at first because I didn’t know which builders I could trust; more recently, I could never forecast our day-to-day expenditure accurately enough to be able to plan anything at all. ([W] has now given me the cheque-books and asked me to do all the shopping, which I rather hoped she would....).**
I think my instinct was right. If I had spent several thousand pounds on these items, we would have run out of money much sooner – despite [W] working – and we might have had to leave [CH] before the church idea had crystallised. As it is, we shall have to leave as it crystallises. Who can say...?
*{Now done}
**[[Redbook7:68-71][19900219:1936]{...[WBW]}[19th February 1990],] p69
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[Redbook7:35][19900202:1500c]{Time and Fatigue [continued (6)]}[2nd February 1990]
.1500
[continued]
The answer to this* prolonged moan is, really, not ** with young children; but the Spirit restless in me does not accept being told to wait, and I do not accept that it was a mistake to marry and have children....***
*[See last 5 previous entries, [Redbook7:32-35][19900202:1018c]{Time and Fatigue}[2nd February 1990]ff]
**[ie to attempt this]
***[See last previous entry]
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[Redbook7:35][19900202:1500b]{Time and Fatigue [continued (5)]}[2nd February 1990]
.1500
[continued]
And* yet I can’t help feeling that had I not married, not had children, I should be even more cut off from the actual World than I am. Things are not quite so stressful in terms of interruptions etc. when I have only one at home (whichever one that is) but | →
**(I’ve lost this)(No...)
→ even then I only get 2 to 3 hours or so of my own, perhaps another hour if there are no Welsh classes – but when [W] and I are here, when I should in theory be able to concentrate, she gets understandably upset and aggrieved if after a day at the office she is left to cope with the children on her own without an hour or so’s welcome-home chat, family supper, help putting the children to bed....***
*[See last previous entry]
**This was another interruption – [s] soaked for the second time in 20 minutes because [d] had, contrary to instructions, opened the fence and let [s] down to the stream. Now they want the TV on....
***[I should think so!]
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[Redbook7:34-35][19900202:1500]{Time and Fatigue [continued (4)]}[2nd February 1990]
.1500**
What it* really amounts to is this:
I feel tired – half-dead with fatigue.
I feel tired because I get about 2/3rds to 3/4s of the sleep I need[.]
I am short of sleep because I go to bed too late.
I go to bed too late because I am aware that I haven’t spent enough time on the inner left side of things.
This is because out of the 18 or so waking hours each day, I only seem to spend 1 to 2 hours on my own personal work – and nearly all of that is taken up by right-side studying tasks which I have set myself. The only time ‘wasted’ is when I may spend another half hour or more watching TV after the News (I have no newspaper), by that time often too knackered to think of anything.
[W] works, if anything, harder and longer than I do. I generally help her put the children to bed in the evening (and dress them in the morning).
Where on Earth does all the time go?**
***
*[See last 3 previous entries, [Redbook7:32-35][19900202:1018c]{Time and Fatigue}[2nd February 1990]ff]
**This is a good example of what happens. Between **1500 and now – 1518 – I have been interrupted by the children 3 times, and spent, I suppose, 7 to 10 minutes, perhaps more, attending to them.
***I might add that last night I freely stayed up until 3am to watch ‘Village of the Damned’ (John Wyndham’s ‘The Midwich Cuckoos’) and its semi-sequel, a more intelligent story, ‘Children of the Damned’ (ridiculous title – but a film worth watching) <900204> [See [Redbook7:38][19900204:2117]{The Inner Sense of Innocence}[4th February 1990]]
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[Redbook7:33-34][19900202:1018e]{Time and Fatigue [continued (3)]}[2nd February 1990]
19900202:1018
[continued]
I guess the reason* why I don’t go to bed at a reasonable time, despite often being crashingly [sic] tired, is because I am consciously or unconsciously aware that I have not used enough of the day as I should – that even now, my life is not sufficiently in balance as between the inner realm and the outer world.
This has partly to do with the children; partly to do with being married (but both of these have outweighing compensations); partly to do with the constant and unaccountable drain of money, which I find hard to understand; partly with the tasks of a smallholding (a ‘tinyholding’?). It might even have something to do with having set myself a programme for another language as well as the Welsh course and Bible reading: so that these right-semicircle tasks take priority, and I may never get to the left-semicircle intuition, inspiration, innovation. I suppose the combined effects of all these would be a strong U~ influence.
.1500
The relatively small amount of work** – which tends to come in bursts – doesn’t help either.
*[See last previous entry but one]
**[ie ‘work work’ – provision of services, earning money]
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[Redbook7:33][19900202:1018d]{Time and Fatigue [continued]}[2nd February 1990]
19900202:1018
[continued]
The only periods in my adult life when I can recall getting enough sleep, * not being tired during the day, have been when I was writing alone at [C],** or possibly in [Scotland] writing [2]:*** not all the time, perhaps, but enough. I have gone to bed early (for me) – |**** by c11pm, if I remember right – feeling that I have accomplished something – even if concerned about the details – and have woken up around 7, often after interesting and relevant dreams, feeling thoroughly refreshed and ready for another day’s ‘creative’ work.#
*[See last previous entry]
**[[Redbook2:168-169][19800805:2325]{'[0]'}[5th August 1980];
[Redbook2:259][19821106:2200]{[1]}[6th November 1982] – [Redbook2:265][19821119:2315]{[1]: A Visitation [continued (6)]]}[19th November 1982]]
***[[Redbook3:51-52][19870328:2207]{A Dream: Of Loss}[28th March 1987] ]
****([Canon][XQ] visited till c1230)
#[By contrast, when rewriting and expanding [1] into 2 books c2015-2020, the writer would typically start at cMidnight & continue until c3am or even sometimes c5am ff, finding it easier to write in the ‘small hours’.]
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[Redbook7:32-35][19900202:1018c]{Time and Fatigue}[2nd February 1990]
19900202:1018
[continued]
I think the reason why I am so desperately tired most of the time nowadays (apart from the obvious ones, ie not enough sleep, and two small children) have to do with state of mind and fulfilment of purpose. At the moment I average about five to six hours sleep a night – going to bed around or after 1a.m., * awake again (with [W]) to get the children ready for school shortly before 7am.** I know that I need about 8 hours in order not to feel tired during the day. The tiredness – sleepiness – is enough to affect my temper and my work. It is also inclined to interfere with my dreaming, so that I so not recall having many dreams.
So, why don’t I go to bed earlier?
*{cf [[Redbook7:86][19900313:2328]{Healing Prayer}[13th March 1990],] 86}
**[ie – waking shortly before 7am; not – getting the children ready for school by that time]
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