{Ideas and Tiredness}[31st July 1990]

[Redbook7:182][19900731:2305h]{Ideas and Tiredness}[31st July 1990]

19900731.2305

[continued]

Interesting: I am so tired that I can hardly hold open my eyes; yet although I know that I could not argue sensibly in speech, or discuss a domestic problem with [W], feeling like this (I have often had to abandon discussion of that (domestic)* sort because tiredness prevented me from understanding her or my argument), the only problem with these written points is writing them down.

This suggest the possibility of a strong unconscious influence in the formation of these written ideas.**

*<900801>

**[& possibly a connection between sleep-dreaming and day-dreaming/creativity; & cf a recent study which identified a correlation between narcolepsy and creativity. The present writer’s most creatively productive work is normally done in the hours after midnight, irrespective of how tired he felt before he started it.<20210730>]

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{Scientists, Evangelicals & Agnostics [continued]}[31st July 1990]

[Redbook7:181][19900731:2305g]{Scientists, Evangelicals & Agnostics [continued]}[31st July 1990]

19900731.2305

[continued]

It is recognition of this* which has caused me my biggest problems with the Church and ordination, since I am the kind of person who, living so far as I can with God and by God, when pressed (‘Do you believe in God?’) will tend to present myself as an agnostic because I do not know what God is and I am uncertain whether my interlocutor and I are speaking in the same terms, of the same thing.**

*[See last previous entry]

**?

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{Scientists, Evangelicals & Agnostics}[31st July 1990]

[Redbook7:181][19900731:2305f]{Scientists, Evangelicals & Agnostics}[31st July 1990]

19900731.2305

[continued]

Evangelicals, for all their singing and dancing – which I have described before* as a symptom of the Calvinist** wheel turning its full 512 year circle – do have something in common with scientists in general, other than mutual detestation: an insistence on the importance of facts. I do not just mean that Evangelicals can insist on the factual truth of everything in the Bible (just as Science in general insists on the factual non-truth of much of it): I mean that Evangelicals can only see truth as historical, as fact or untruth, which is in fact just how Science sees it.

Of course the best Scientists see further than this; so do the best Evangelicals. I am talking about the Evangelical culture (if I have it right); and the Scientific culture.

*[]

**John Calvin, 1509-1564

[continued]

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{The Media Man}[31st July 1990]

[Redbook7:180][19900731:2305e]{The Media Man}[31st July 1990]

19900731.2305

[continued]

Pleased to note that Rupert Murdoch, the media king, was born (at midnight) on 11^th March* (1931)**....

***

*{g~/M~-}

[& see also occupational birthdates statistics & discussions in earlier vols, []]

**{64r~/S~+}

***Ind[ependent] Sun[day] Rev[iew] 900729:3

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{Crisis Resolution in Personal Cycles (7)}[31st July 1990]

[Redbook7:180][19900731:2305d]{Crisis Resolution in Personal Cycles (7)}[31st July 1990]

19900731.2305

[continued]

*The fact is that my movement, during the last year or more, away from retreat and revelation towards re-engagement with the actual World has been remarkable – but (if my memory is correct) predicted, for an uncertain date, some years ago** by contemplation of the C[ircles] A[nalysis &] S[ynthesis] pattern.

*{[[Redbook7:176-177][19900730:1007d]{Crisis Resolution in Personal Cycles (6) [continued (3)]}[30th July 1990],] 177→}

**[Which of course would, or at least could, encourage one to do it. Ref not found]

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{Selective Cycles (1)}[31st July 1990]

[Redbook7:180][19900731:2305c]{Selective Cycles (1)}[31st July 1990]

19900731.2305

[continued]

In bleaker moments, I see my discovery of salvation in precise cycles as simply a refuge from the confusion of actual history, whether of individuals or communities: if you can’t make the circle pattern flexibly fit the facts, because of the chaos of actuality, then rigidly declare precise cycles * and hammer the facts onto them – by selection. I am not aware of **selection – but we are communicating with the Unconscious (I suspect), where it may all occur.

*{cf [[Redbook7:333][19900924:2123b]{Selective Cycles (2)}[24th September 1990],] 333 (extr[act]}

**(biassed [selection], that is!) <900804>

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{C[ircles] A[nalysis &] S[ynthesis] Personal Periods

[Redbook7:179-180][19900731:2305b]{C[ircles] A[nalysis &] S[ynthesis] Personal Periods}[31st July 1990]

19900731.2305

[continued]

The greater the period, I suspect, the greater the influence; but immediate periods have immediate influence. The quicker the change, the more noticeable it will be as a change; the longer the period, the more apparent as a period.*

It seems not implausible, then, that the 32-year and 16-year cycles should have degree periods (4 and 2 years respectively) long enough to be easily noticeable as periods, yet short enough in passing for the changes to be easily noticeable as well. The idea is that 1 year (the degree of an 8 year cycle) is too short (and too much overlaid with other factors) to be identifiable as a qualitative period in its own right, while 8 years (for a 64 year cycle) is too long for us to be aware, at the time, of the change.

This conveniently justifies my emphasis on the 16-year and 32-year cycles.

*(Copied from [[Redbook7:176-177][19900730:1007d]{Crisis Resolution in Personal Cycles (6) [continued (3)]}[30th July 1990],] p177 immediately after writing it there)

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{C[ircles] A[nalysis &] S[ynthesis] and the Unconscious}[31st July 1990]

[Redbook7:178-179][19900731:2305]{C[ircles] A[nalysis &] S[ynthesis] and the Unconscious}[31st July 1990]

19900731.2305

What I think C[ircles] A[nalysis &] S[ynthesis] is trying to do – what I am trying to do with C[ircles] A[nalysis &] S[ynthesis] – is to apply conscious thought to a pattern perceived in the unconscious mind.

The choice of words is deliberately ambiguous: intended not to predetermine the question as to whether the pattern perceived exists in some way in the actual (‘objective’) World.

But I sometimes think – I sometimes think that the whole thing is a load of twaddle, which is a perspective necessary from time to time; now, though, I wonder whether what I am doing is drawing up a pattern of the unconscious mind which conscious thought does not have the capacity fully to comprehend in all its relations, particularly with the actual World: and that being so, whether the necessary next thing is, having noted it, to put it back again into the Unconscious, to do its integrating and liberating work.

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{Stone Me!}*[30th July 1990]

[Redbook7:178][19900730:1951]{Stone Me!}*[30th July 1990]

.1951

I know that this is no laughing matter; but I do think that the Rabbi might have chosen his words more carefully:

[A news cutting from the Independent of 19900730:[p]4, which is inserted here in the ms but cannot be reproduced for copyright reasons, reports an attack on a Jewish cemetery in which swastikas and anti-semitic slogans were daubed on graves and headstones broken. ‘Rabbi Jacob Rubinstein said yesterday: “It is a terrible thing to think there are people who would do this to the resting places of the dead. We are extremely concerned to think that, in light of what has happened to other cemeteries, these people are **|crawling out from under stones again.|**”’]

(I had better add that although I can understand how distressing and worrying this sort of thing can be,*** this particular form of racism is almost certainly copycat by near-mindless youths, and of little significance.****

*[An expression of amazement in UK English slang....]

**[|*Final 6 words marked in ms for emphasis.|*]

***{We get it here in Wales, too – against us, on walls and rocks.}

****Cf the 1959-60 rash of anti-semitic slogans in the USA (E[ncyclopaedia] B[ritannica] 16:610. <19901007>

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{Crisis Resolution in Personal Cycles (6) [continued (3)]}[30th July 1990]

[Redbook7:176-177][19900730:1007d]{Crisis Resolution in Personal Cycles (6) [continued (3)]}[30th July 1990]

19900730.1007

[continued]

The importance of the 32-year ‘mid-life’ crisis becomes very clear – I thank God that (as I believe I was instructed) I broke away from employment, but am not so clear that my subsequent involvement in computers, book-keeping etc. was as it should have been. I suspect that I should have started a Theology degree at Llan[...] in October 1987, if I was going to do it at all; I would just have finished it now. Similarly if the Church had moved as fast as any sensible organisation in 1989 when I agreed to go ahead, I should have started their theology course in October 1989 and be half way through by now: the point is that I am rapidly moving out of a cerebral study phase and into a more active phase, and I doubt whether I should be willing to start a 2-year course in October 1991 (ie if I go round to them again and am accepted). This does not mean that I should have read Theology – only that I suspect that the time for doing so has almost past.

I am certainly changing with extraordinary rapidity, and with the necessity occasionally (as now) to re-centre myself. The point is not to leave the earlier stages – of the I[nner] C[ircle], at least – behind, but to roll them up with and behind one as one passes with them round the new circle(s).

*

The [3^rd] chart [, immediately above,] is very well spread at the moment – except C.

*The greater the period, I suspect, the greater the influence; but immediate periods have immediate influence. The quicker the change, the more noticeable it will be as a change; the longer the period, the more apparent as a period. [< 19900731> (See [Redbook7:179-180][19900731:2305b]{C[ircles] A[nalysis &] S[ynthesis] Personal Periods}[31st July 1990])]

{→ [[Redbook7:180][19900731:2305]{Crisis Resolution in Personal Cycles (7)}[31st July 1990],] 180}

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{Crisis Resolution in Personal Cycles (6) [continued]}[30th July 1990]

[Redbook7:176][19900730:1007c]{Crisis Resolution in Personal Cycles (6) [continued]}[30th July 1990]

19900730.1007

[continued]

There is also* a fascination with xS (R~), at its strongest and clearest in Vol III,** at a time of strong r~ influence under the precise circles regime; this is noticeably now dying away (to my slight regret, when I remember it). The curious episode of the Undines*** suggests the ‘female’ side leaving the watery quarter for dry land and at the same time becoming much more closely identified with me (or do I mean intimate, or associated?) – but that is only speculation, based on the precise circles fit.

The consideration of Christ occurs anywhere and everywhere, not at all restricted to C, but that can be accounted for in terms of the ubiquity of Christ (‘wherever you choose to look’ – +M in [2])**** and the circumstances which reintroduce one to him (eg my application to the Church).

*[See last previous entry]

**[of these Journals]

***[eg [Redbook5:275-276][19880814:1130b]{Two Dreams: Of swimming with fair-haired girls [continued]}[14th August 1988] (&ant),

[Redbook5:283-284][19880814:1910]{Undines}[14th August 1988],

[Redbook5:285-287][19880815:0040]{Undine (1)}[15th August 1988], &al; & cf

[Redbook6:306-307][19891012:1612e]{Love, Uncertainty and Emptiness against the Church}[12th October 1989]

****[

“.... Does that mean that Chris will be here?”

“He is already here.”

“I am very pleased.” I said. “I wonder where I can find him?” I felt, after I had said this, that it was a stupid thing to say.

“Wherever you choose to look, I expect.” Michael replied. “But you can find me here at the Corner House, King Street, most lunchtimes, for the time being at any rate.”

[– [2] (subject to revision]

]

[continues]

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{Crisis Resolution in Personal Cycles (6)}[30th July 1990]

[Redbook7:175-177][19900730:1007b]{Crisis Resolution in Personal Cycles (6)}[30th July 1990]

19900730.1007

[continued]

*As with the cycle-patterns of history, so in the pattern of my own life-cycles the confusion created by trying to establish varying periods appears to have been replaced by relative clarity ** using precise period-doubling analysis (over the last few days). I have not gone through it in detail yet, but the story does seem to fit better the further one passes along it – which is the further I managed to extricate myself from overwhelming personal influences.

The Journal series*** starts at [age] 16 (ie C 16_1-2); at 32 (C 32_1-2, & C 16_2-3) there is an intensive series of significant and relevant dreams, building up beforehand and falling away afterwards, the like of which has not been seen before or since.****

*[[Redbook7:75][19900226:2049e]{Crisis Resolution in Personal Cycles (5) [continued (5)]}[26th February 1990], of

[Redbook7:72-75][19900226:2049]{Crisis Resolution in Personal Cycles (5)}[26th February 1990],] 75 →

**(ref the frontispiece analyses in each Vol[ume],*** & at the head & foot of Indexes (& head of Index pages, Vols I & II)***)

***[ie (of) this journal series, Redbook 0-7 ff. These analyses and indexes have not been included in the ts, nor blogged.]

****{in these journals!}

[continues]

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{Uneasy Christianity (1)}[30th July 1990]

[Redbook7:175][19900730:1007]{Uneasy Christianity (1)}[30th July 1990]

19900730.1007

The unease I felt when I wrote that last sentence* – the sort of unease which suggests something not quite true to the Truth, or which might be taken as that – indicates, I suspect, concern about the beliefs and practices of the Christian Church. Because of the curious chain or events and ideas which led me to apply for ordination, I felt I must pursue it;** but the negative indicators grew stronger, the further I proceeded.***

*[See last previous entry, especially final sentence]

**[Ordination, presumably, rather than the sentence referred to.]

***See [[Redbook7:211-212][1990812:2358]{The Name of the Father, and the Son}[12th August 1990],] 211

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{Modern Mysteries? [continued (3)]}[27th July 1990]

[Redbook7:174][19900727:2338j]{Modern Mysteries? [continued (3)]}[27th July 1990]

19900727.2338

[continued]

I have become convinced by personal experience and general consideration, of the healing power of the Celtic Cross – the pattern of C[ircles] A[nalysis] & S[ynthesis].* It is the development, **the fulfilment of Christianity (from its present mostly static to the dynamic pattern) which offers integration in Christ to a fragmented World.**

*(if you accept that St. Andrew was a Celtic Saint, at the next doubling:

)

**{[But] See [next entry, p] 175

.1347

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{Modern Mysteries? [continued]}[27th July 1990]

[Redbook7:174][19900727:2338i]{Modern Mysteries? [continued]}[27th July 1990]

19900727.2338

[continued]

But in the end, I think, a guide should not order anyone to do anything: his function and method should be to listen to the individual traveller, the subject, using his own judgement to place the subject on the C[ircles] A[nalysis] & S[ynthesis] map, and suggest possible resolutions of the subject’s difficulties accordingly. In this, he is not unlike a psycho-analyst.

A part of this, of course, is likely to involve general explanations of C[ircles] A[nalysis] & S[ynthesis] and its applications to one or more individuals. In this, he is more like a teacher.

A course could start with such teaching: those who did not respond, to whom it was inappropriate, would not return for more.

[continued]

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{Modern Mysteries?}[27th July 1990]

[Redbook7:173-174][19900727:2338h]{Modern Mysteries?}[27th July 1990]

19900727.2338

[continued]

I suppose that one part of a modern mystery ‘religion’ or course might involve 4 psychological tests of self-discipline;* e.g.:

**

***

*[See last previous entry but one]

**(ref recent experiments by Wesses(?) Sceptics showing scientific basis for walking on wood embers (N[ew] S[cientist], 199007....)

***[Harsh!]

[continued]

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