{Outward Uncertainty and Inner Sense}[24th February 1989]

[Redbook6:106-107)][19890224:2034]{Outward Uncertainty and Inner Sense}[24th February 1989]

198902224.2034

But* I believe I have arrived truly at that state of mind which has always been incipient in me: that terrifying condition of having no beliefs exclusively about anything. This does not mean (despite what it says; at least, it is not meant to mean) that I do not believe in anything: far from it. I neither believe nor disbelieve anything, and by the same token I believe and disbelieve everything, or at least everything which I disbelieve and/or believe.**

For instance, I simply cannot say (despite everything I have already said) whether I believe xS’s description of the nature and purpose of Creation*** to be an accurate description or not. The question is impossible for me to answer, as any answer quickly becomes meaningless. (It is, however, and not only for literary purposes, of urgent importance for me to discover whether such a construct could be true, particularly in the light of other people’s models). My own apparent stance generally reflects the position from which I write (or speak) at the time of writing (or speaking); by analysing this in Circle terms, some sense may be made of these viewpoints.

What keeps me together, I think, in the face of this divine uncertainty, is the growing sense of integrity at the centre – the centre of me, and part of my experience: an integrity to which I attach the meaning of the Spirit of God, since it is beyond naming. I suspect that this awareness is an attribute of my circle location; but then, to adapt yet again the immortal words of**** Miss Mandy Rice-Davies, ‘I would,# wouldn’t I?’

*[See, presumably, recent previous journal entries, particularly on religious matters]

**[This does actually make sense, and is not merely a tautology]

***[In [2]]

****[“While giving evidence at [Stephen] Ward's trial [in the aftermath of the Profumo affair in 1963], [Mandy] Rice-Davies made a famous riposte. When [...] the defence counsel pointed out that Lord Astor denied an affair or having even met her, she dismissed the denial by stating, "Well (giggle) he would, wouldn’t he?" (often misquoted "Well he would say that, wouldn't he?"). By 1979, this phrase had entered the third edition of the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations, and is occasionally referred to with the abbreviation MRDA ("Mandy Rice-Davies applies").” (Wikipedia)]

#{(ie suspect that)}

[continues]

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