{Sex}[15th June 1988]

[Redbook5:161-162][19880615:1642f]{Sex}[15^th June 1988]

.1642

[continued]

The religious or mystical implication of sex – hetero- and homo- is a matter on which my opinions are still changing in the light of experience. I do not think that anything I have written previously* can be taken as the whole story, or conclusive, or even necessarily correct.** At the time I last wrote extensively on the subject – during 1987, I think – I was, I believe, heading away from A~, the material/physical pole, and/or about as far from it as as one can get. Now I believe that, one way or another – hopefully Inner – I am heading back.

Sex seems to be an area where powerful imaginations (and drives) make it virtually impossible to separate symbol from actuality. At present I feel particularly strongly the pull of the 'female' hemisphere, in all imaginable (inner) ways: and this coincides curiously with the happy resumption of full marital sex after a not unhappy abstinence during [W]'s pregnancy and post-natal period. If (as Rachel says in [2]) desire pulls you down, at least I am going down through, and with, Love. (But this must make the early stages difficult for Monks.) Presumably if I am fortunate enough to come up again the other side, I shall lose this motivating desire – perhaps though blessed Old Age (and still no pension...). (Perhaps that stage is difficult for Nuns.)

I don't think that this necessarily justifies adultery; and I suspect that a lustful sex-life [sic] could lead one to 'bottom-out', as it were, at A, and stay there.

Nor do I have any clear idea about homosexual intercourse, although I'm fairly certain that the 'pull' of the 'male' hemisphere to bring me up again will not take that form – because I shall be heading away from material/physical A~ again. Maybe homosexual intercourse is one of those things, like oral intercourse, which people tend to do when they're young, but grow out of (Am I right? – I generally enjoyed it*** when I was younger**** but I don't do it at all now – the whole idea seems ridiculous....).

*[See e.g. [Redbook3:134-138][19870406:2300](SEX AND GENDER)[6th April 1987]ff;

[Redbook4:183][19871129:2107k]{The Weight of Sin (1) [continued (8)] – Homosexuality}[29th November 1987]ff;

Redbook4:188][19871130:0120]{The Weight of Sin (2)}[30th November 1987]; & many others.]

**& see VI [], my goodness! <89110>

***oral intercourse, that is.

****but an adult! <891010>

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