{Postponement}[16th June 1983]

[Redbook2:289][19830616:2015]{Postponement}[16^th June 1983]

19830616.2015

Noting that last comment* – my mood now is the exact opposite (it seems): tense, tired and miserable. Until I read that comment, I had forgotten that [earlier] mood – thinking my present state stemmed from a deliberate decision temporarily to abandon the exercises: if, as was said, they used up physical energy, I felt, that might explain my inability to throw off my cough – which since then has almost gone, perhaps because of better weather. But one regrettable decision has been – not to ignore 'inner indications', but to postpone following them, on rational grounds which seem sensible at the time but absurd later when it feels as though it is too late. This is particularly the case with the indication to return to the Sufi's classes, some weeks ago: now the mood is quite different, and I hope that I have not missed the boat in this as in other cases. I was going tonight, but a combination of small events made me too late in starting and wrecked my frame of mind – already expected by unexpected problems at [a business client]. I had thrown out the baby with the bathwater, stopping all exercises – not just those requiring physical energy. I am now very tired.

*[See last previous entry]

[PostedBlogger10062015]