{A Dream of Progression}[6th August 1983]

[Redbook2:294-295][19830806:2330]{A Dream of Progression}[6th August 1983]

19830806.2330

Yesterday morning I dreamt with (inter alia) these elements from my memories:

{1} Trying to discover from the lists, at [St. Q's]* on the first day of term, which dormitory I was in, and finding to my dismay that I was in the largest dormitory: not the Great Space, I argued with another there, but a similar name;

a conversation on the lawn in front of the house there;

{2} clinging precariously to the outside of a double-decker bus from the School, which swayed and careered along the [C] track towards the main road: I said this was stupid and, when the driver persisted, I got off (this recalling** an incident in the TA when*** I did precisely that from a Land Rover, realising too late that I had thus disgraced myself);

{3} Walking back from this incident to the […] junction, encountering a dangerous group of former T.A.**** contemporaries who (after heckling?) gave me a letter to take to – another of their number whose face I could (and can) picture but whose name I could not remember;

{4} followed by one of the T.A. down that track I branched right into the field and was trapped in a small bare room by him, for interrogation??*****;

{5} walking alone down the Hanging Field, I passed through the gate at the bottom to see, just up the hill on the track******, a giant of a man whom I also thought I recognised from the T.A., but of a different nature: steadier, and more perceptive: he said words to the effect of: “I realise now why you are so … (defensive? suspicious?) when at every step you have been (kicked in the teeth?). Here ' (holding out his hand): 'Shake.' – with great misgiving I forced myself to turn the few paces up the hill and shake his great hand: and turned away, with him watching me steadily (?), to walk down round the [sharp] Bend towards home.

This dream, which seemed a jumble at first, now seems capable of logical and consistent interpretation in line with that last incident, although it is not sensitive towards my vanity.

I had intended to write this this morning, with a shorter piece; but the other has left that part of my mind, together with all idea of it, so that I can no longer consciously recall it, and must hope that in due course it will come up again. There is the moral again: Do Not Delay!

*[First boarding school, aged 8 to 13]

**– in the dream? or later? – <930117>

***through sheer obstinacy <930117>

****[Territorial Army and Volunteer Reserve]

*****This was near where I had hoped to build a house; and exactly where my father put his caravan (about now?) and later built his house. <871213>

******[i.e. the same track which had been left in {4}, but further on down the hill towards home]

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