{R~ birthdays, and Love [continued (3)]}[5th December 1988]

[Redbook6:55)][19881205:1247d]{R~ birthdays, and Love [continued (3)]}[5th December 1988]

19881205.1247

[continued]

Back in June I recorded a dream: ‘The Illustrated Girl’;* and in August another two: ‘Of Swimming with fair-haired girls’**. It was (quite definitely, because I made the connection when I first met them)*** after the first but before the second that we were visited for the first time by our neighbour across the valley, [Gabby], and shortly after by her husband [Az].

They intrigued me because they seemed to fit precisely what I saw coming to me on the Circle – as did [Gabby’s] character, but [Az]’s only slightly. In fact [Az]’s birthday, I found much later, was in September (early Autumn or midsummer were my guesses), and [Gabby]’s in late January or early February (I had guessed March). The moral is that names are a weak indicator, personalities a stronger one, to birthdates.

For they turn out to be more-or-less exactly what one would expect of their birthdate Archetypes – and [Gabby] has led me (and another or others in the Village) a merry dance with her prick-teasing and love-inviting-and-rejecting ways, and wasted a lot of my time and emotional energy while concentrating my mind to wonderful effect. She is qualified as a […] and clearly doubts her vocation: as well she might, poor Outer R~ creature. She had originally intended to [work with animals], which is much more to the point. At one time [W] and I both believed her almost certainly to want an affair with me, which perhaps she did and does, although I doubt whether she would have accepted it. Privately I rejected it anyway, although not without some intensity of feeling – she even looks like a less golden +K – and, having done so,**** found myself in silent trouble with changeable [Gabby]: for replying to her frankly sexual references with equal (and detached) frankness, and for kissing her goodbye on the cheek as we left their house one evening, as we are used to do among friends, I believe it was.

Don’t I just always fall in: but she wonders aloud why she will lose respect […] in the village…. Despite my refusal to join in, I could accept people’s right to want to commit adultery, on the assumption that [Az] must be aware of it and accept it despite only a few months of marriage (The verbal prick-teasing was so blatant) – but I remember saying to [W] that I should be sorry if she turned out only to be playing me along, as I should inevitably think less of her: which she was, and I do.

How do I know? Because she [now] refuses even to sit between me and [Az] on the sofa, and doesn’t (it is clear) want to give me a lift (as [Az] suggested to me that she should) alone in her car! Oh foolish young girl (about [late twenties])#…. If it was love you wanted, you could have had all the love you wanted without ever mentioning sex; and if it was happiness, you should have stuck to [working with animals].#* (And maybe she also ‘want baby’ like the [women my father] mentioned in my dream of ‘The Illustrated Girl’.* And by God she is illustrated… and preoccupied with nakedness.

*ref V.[[Redbook5:149][19880613:0930]{A Dream: The Illustrated Girl}[13^th June 1988],] 149

**ref V.[[Redbook5:275-276][19880814:1130]{Two Dreams: Of swimming with fair-haired girls}[14th August 1988]ff]

***[& see [[Redbook5:275-276][19880814:1130]{Two Dreams: Of swimming with fair-haired girls}[14th August 1988], fn**]

****without communicating this to her

#[The writer was 37]

#*I admit also to irritation at having achieved the status NSIT (Not Safe In Taxis)

[with her -- without having actually done or tried to do anything, it seems….]

[continues]

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