(ANOTHER RELAPSE [continued])[30th April 1987]

[Redbook3:215-216][19870430:2210](ANOTHER RELAPSE [continued])[30th April 1987]

19870430.2210

... but *to have returned again frequently. I think what this (acknowledgement of current failure) means is that one of the following must happen before I can put it all behind me:

(1) My parents convince me that I am wrong.

(2) My parents admit that they were wrong, genuinely.

(3) I cut my parents out of my life completely.

I had intended to do (3) last September: only my mother's tears and pleas and apparent admissions (later retracted) persuaded me – rightly, I think – to give them the chance to put themselves right.**

But it is now four months since I wrote, and there has still been no reply: I am not strong or detached enough to wait for ever. I may write one more time, if nothing happens shortly after we reach [CH].***

*[i.e. 'relapse'-type symptoms of pre-occupation with parental property deals (See last previous entry).]

**(i.e. morally – or to put me right on facts.) <870502>

***{cf. IV.8.}

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