{A Turd}[27th June 1973] [Aged 22]

[Redbook2:(i)-2] [19730627:1601]{A Turd}[27^th June 1973] [Aged 22]

[…][Hunter]

(Book, Volume II)

Wednesday

197306271601

            A clearer, cooler night: I woke up as cold as usual in that bed, but comfortable.  Clearly keeping a diary (as against a journal, which this should also be) needs some care!  Q’s mother arrived at about eleven: seeming a little fierce at first (naturally), she thawed later.  We loaded the car; she seemed surprised at my carrier bagful in Q’s room.  I left them for lunch at One; It is now Four and Q has not re-appeared.  Perhaps the explaining has not been easy.  Q’s mother has a strong personality; Q sees some way into her but (naturally) cannot use the knowledge.  Like most mothers, Q does not let go easily.

           

            I have finished a long and complicated episode (if that is an acceptable expression, which I doubt).  My bid for academic respectability has failed.  While my Third (or Turd) shattered me – particularly in view of Q’s Two (One) – I am not now disconsolate: cross, and a little worried about prospects.  The answer probably is to play it by ear – which I would have done anyway.

            Inevitably I doubted myself at first; but I have finished with that.  In its own way, this could be a blessing in (heavy) disguise, spurring me on to spiteful ambition, and diverting me from more conventional success.

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