[Redbook6:346-347][19891114:1020b]{Self-justification by faith [continued]}[14th November 1989]
19891114.1020
[continued]
Part of the explanation why relationships with close family need so much more careful handling than do other relationships may be found in my analysis of why she* has this effect on me (and on [W], who for the first time described her (to me) as a wicked woman: they used to get on quite well).
This particular mother is automatically armed against criticism or self-criticism, presumably because of that unconscious self-doubt which leads her continually to justify, and prompt identical justification from others for, her own actions. In practice, if she is criticised or held unacceptably accountable, she will first of all defend herself, with increasing vehemence, with sophistry, half-truths and (in the end) outright lies; and if the emphasis of the argument overwhelms her – either (unlikely event) on its merits, or by becoming tactical, for like my father she stands firm against courtesy but gives in to bullies – she will break down in tears and agree with everything: only to recover, when she is alone again, and resume exactly her former position. (I suspect that she then goes and misrepresents the argument to other people in order to justify herself; but as I have never seen both ends of this process in** the same issue, I can’t be certain!)
The frustration produced by this condition of hers, in me at any rate, is insupportable.***
*[The writer’s mother – see last previous entry]
**{= on?}
***I’ve also had painful indigestion (dyspepsia)**** since about the time she stayed with us; and that is now going, or seems to be, too.
****[The writer’s incorrectly used term for acid reflux]
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