{Ecclesiastical Horrors}[9th November 1989]

 [Redbook6:345][19891109:1420]{Ecclesiastical Horrors}[9th November 1989] 

19891109.1420

Last night, after staying up late to watch Rabbi Lionel Blue talking to Bishop Kennedy (delayed by old football films), I went to bed at around half past midnight saying ‘This decision is too big for me – I leave it in your hands’ (subsequent to saying, as usual, ‘Tell me what to do and I’ll do it[’]) – with some idea that * the Church could be enabled to make the right decision, as agent.  

I then lay awake or half-awake for ages suffering a fit of the horrors at the prospect of being ordained into the Church: that particular kind of almost tangible horror which only occurs (to me) on the edge of sleep, where the issues become less a matter of intellectual argument than of imaginative weight.  

*(I having said Yes) 

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