{[xS] is here}[2nd July 1988]

[Redbook5:200-202][19880702:0914]{[xS] is here}[2nd July 1988]

19880702.0914

What a strange fellow (you might be saying), not only to indulge in sexual fantasies, at his age, but (even more strange) to talk about them! Well, whether either action is strange or not, bearing in mind* that it takes all sorts, etc.... the visitations, described above,** are not sexual fantasies. I have no doubt that it would be open to me to turn them into such, but the only positive significance of that which I can imagine would be symbolic (within a symbol); there might well be negative effects attached, and I doubt whether this role or function is necessary.

'Intimacy'*** is not a way of saying sexuality or sexual openness: I am referring to an intimacy of quality,**** the primary quality being Love.

This was preceded# by a growing awareness of my love for my little family (and of how lucky I am); this in turn was part of the counter-action to the moments of despondency which often have to be overcome before such developments are fully released; but the cause-and-effect, with the time-sequence, are not always clear.

The developments so far have taken several weeks, with the eyes revealed last: it was as though a kind of familiarity and trust had to be established – an intimacy – before the fullness of the Quality could be conveyed. And that Quality transforms the World, in one's own perception (and, given the opportunity, in actuality, I guess).

*or, baring in mind?

**ref [last previous entry but one, [Redbook5:199-200][19880701.1753d]{[xS] visiting}[1st July 1988],] 199 ('xS')

***ref [last previous entry but one, [Redbook5:199-200][19880701.1753d]{[xS] visiting}[1st July 1988],] 199 [Actually, 'intimate', not 'intimacy']

****{He said stiffly}

#(& accompanied)

[continues]

[PostedBlogger11082018]