{Love and Sex (9) [continued]}[4th October 1989]

[Redbook6:288][19891004:1242b]{Love and Sex (9) [continued]}[4th October 1989]

19891004.1242

[continued]

It follows* that sexual love is love between the sexes, and quite right too; and that physical love covers physical expressions of love which need be neither sexual (ie between the sexes)* nor genital (In fact in most practical contexts one should probably assume that they are not either of these unless stated otherwise, or unless the context makes it obvious: we shall see how this works).

*[See last previous journal entry]

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{Love and Sex (9)}[4th October 1989]

[Redbook6:288-290][19891004:1242]{Love and Sex (9)}[4th October 1989]

19891004.1242

*I make no apologies for returning again (and again and again) to the analysis of sexual and other expressions of Love, because the precision of that analysis will be a significant factor in determining whether (if I become a Parish Priest) I shall be able to offer – to be – a ministry of Love without fear of falling.

Words – the inadequacies of language – are as always a problem. It is insufficiently precise to talk about sexual or physical intercourse when what is meant is genital intercourse. Sexual intercourse** is intercourse (including social intercourse) between the sexes, although it is commonly used to mean genital intercourse. Physical intercourse includes a hug or even a handshake. Genital intercourse involves physical contact with at least one of the participants’ genitalia*** by any part of the other participant’s body,**** for enjoyment; it therefore includes buggery.

*{→[[Redbook6:281-283][19890929:2152b][{Love and Sex (8)}][29th September 1989]ff,] 283}

**(I shall probably avoid the expression, for clarity!) (perhaps using ‘inter-sexual intercourse’ instead, and ‘intra sexual intercourse[’] between the same sex).

***[ie with the genitalia of at least one of the participants, presumably....]

****I think this restriction is correct... ie not just [ie purely] visual contact.

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{The Church Dynamic [continued (4)]}[3rd October 1989]

[Redbook6:287][19891003:2023b]{The Church Dynamic [continued (4)]}[3rd October 1989]

.2023

[continued]

- - - -

While it is tempting to reform Baptism (as in some Presbyterian etc. Chapels and Churches) as an R~ - C – r~ sacrament only, the danger with any ritual is that it is taken for the real thing. The fact is, spiritual death and re-birth are inner experiences, irrespective of ritual.

This whole concept* exists only in outline at present, and any suggestions must be provisional.

*[See last three previous entries, [Redbook6:285-287][19891003:1807]{The Church Dynamic}[3rd October 1989]ff]

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{The Church Dynamic [continued (3)]}[3rd October 1989]

[Redbook6:287][19891003:2023]{The Church Dynamic [continued (3)]}[3rd October 1989]

.2023

[continued]

One might see parish clergy organising appropriate* services and group meetings for people at different stages – at least one of each type once a month, preferably one of each every Sunday (or each week).  The stages I have in mind are Outer Circle cardinal degrees, at minimum; initially at least, I guess inner circle [sic] needs would be met more by small groups or at regional gatherings.  Individual guidance would be usual for I[nner] C[ircle], available for O[uter] C[ircle].


*[See last two previous entries, [Redbook6:285-287][19891003:1807]{The Church Dynamic}[3rd October 1989]&f]

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{The Church Dynamic [continued]}[3rd October 1989]

[Redbook6:285-287][19891003:1807b]{The Church Dynamic [continued]}[3rd October 1989]

.1807

[continued]

In practice, however described (or not), this* almost inevitably means an ‘outer; and an ‘inner’ Church.  I guess that (in practice) the existing congregational variations (as described above)* would continue much as before, but I should expect them to evolve in time as the Church transforms.  They would form the Outer Church.

The Inner Church (and I’m sure this already exists in embryo form) would be where those who showed an interest in the ‘dynamic’ concept would be drawn.  They would still (one hopes) continue to support their outer Church services: indeed, they should transform them.

The inner and outer Church are not the inner and outer circle, exactly: it is more a question of people being encouraged to express interest and ask questions, and thus ‘selecting themselves’ for further guidance on a more individual (or small-group) basis.  The inner Church would be semi-secret, a generally unacknowledged fact, simply to avoid it becoming a self-justifying elite and the target for personal ambitions – which is death for any Church.

- - - -

.2023

There would be no clear division between the inner and outer Church.


*[See last previous entry]

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{The Church Dynamic}[3rd October 1989]

[Redbook6:285-287][19891003:1807]{The Church Dynamic}[3rd October 1989]

.1807

A couple of years of fairly regular Church attendance here, plus some attendance at services in nearby Parishes, of course qualifies me to reform the Church from top to bottom (and from side to side).

What does become clear is that the Church is essentially a static process [sic].  The current *Archbishop’s letter touches on this when he discusses possible post-confirmation training (I thought this was what sermons at Communion services should be for).

The Anglican Church has (for many years) recognised that congregations vary in their temperamental or personal approach to Christ: currently, evangelical, Anglo-catholic, charismatic, etc..  Dissenters can travel to another parish for services: not an ideal solution, but fair to individuals and congregations in practice.  But the Church does not seem to recognise that Christianity is not a state,** but a way: and that unless individuals can move along that way, they do not develop.  This suggests
(a) different forms of collective ‘worship’ and sermon (teaching) for those at different stages; and
(b) individual attention.***

The different forms may have some connection with the different current forms mentioned already,**** but probably not without adaptation which may be unacceptable to existing congregations: in which case we have to face the possibility of yet more variations on and of the variations.  For individual attention, an informal system could grow out of a revived Confessional practice.


*[of Wales, presumably]

**[ie a condition, essentially static [sic]]

***[ie attention to individuals, presumably]

****[In the last previous paragraph, presumably]

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{Night and Day}[3rd October 1989]

[Redbook6:284-285][19891003:1130b]{Night and Day}[3rd October 1989]

198901003.1130

[continued]

A Man who has the light of the Spirit unveiled within him may walk through darkness as black as the pits of Hell and be unafraid: Night to him is a thing of beauty, in whose silence and rest he may find himself closer to God.  The Light in his eyes will show him the way through all shadows of the Valley. 

It is the nature of Man to seek the light; and so a Man in whom the inner light of the Spirit is veiled, will to that extent seek extra light in the outside world: in dislike of darkness, perhaps in sunshine holidays, and particularly in the bright lights of the city. 

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{A Circle Structure for Prayer (2)}[3rd October 1989]

[Redbook6:283-284][19891003:1130]{A Circle Structure for Prayer (2)}[3rd October 1989] 

198901003.1130

*It isn’t easy!  It is not so much a question of forgetting – as of doing something else, e.g. driving a car, at the appropriate hour.  Then, I try to reflect appropriately while doing the something else; as soon as is practicable afterwards, I try to sit still and ‘pray’: ‘Be still, and know that I am God.’**  

The pattern which seems to be emerging in that prayer, is similar to my understanding of Jesus and of the Synoptic Gospels:*** 

(1) Link with God – ****established

(2) Quality of God – ****experienced

(3) Teachings (including actions) of God – ****perceived:

(a) The nature of the Kingdom

(b) Entry to, and exclusion from, the Kingdom

(c) Any questions (or requests, and any Other Business)

This is counsel of perfection, of course.  The circle degree appropriate to the time of day seems to provide me with a kind of viewpoint (from which in an immediate sense, before (1) [above], and not only in prayer, (c) [above] is perceived), as well as an archetypal guide or companion.

(.1202)

- - - - 

.1207

These things come also when they will, of course.  Structured prayer is to help me live my life as I would.

#

*{[[Redbook6:278-279][19890929:1130b]{A Circle Structure for Prayer (1)}[29th September 1989],] 278 →} 

**Ps[alm] 46:10 A[uthorised/King James] V[ersion of the Bible])

(N[ew] J[erusalem] B[ible]: [‘]acknowledge[’ in place of ‘know’]

***[Matthew, Mark, Luke]

ref [[Redbook6:157-159][19890717:2354]{The Gospels}[17th July 1989] ] above

****[‘to be’, presumably]

#{→[[Redbook6:303][19891008:2300]{A Circle Structure for Prayer (3)}[8th October 1989]] 303}

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{Love and Sex (8) [continued (3)]}[29th September 1989]

[Redbook6:283][19890929:2152d]{Love and Sex (8) [continued (3)]}[29th September 1989]

.2152

[continued]

My re-readings so far (to IV.120)* have persuaded me that not for the first time) I had read my position as being further on than I am – as being c[irca] r~,** when it was certainly no further than C, and possibly even R~.** But there is tremendous overlap; and different aspects of one’s progress (or personality) may pass a point at different times *** (and take different times to pass) as a part of the whole of the Soul’s passage of that point; and,**** of course, the attributes of each degree resonate circumferentially# and radially#* (inter alia).#**

This dream#*** suggests the possibility of real movement {to,}#**** through and from r~,## implying that the crisis may have passed {or be passing)#**** in a significant sense; and I guess that my acceptance of the invitation to apply for ordination, even though it may not be accepted by the Church (because of the sort of things that I write in this journal,#** mainly), may constitute a formal surrender to Christ sufficient to complete {or at least consolidate}**** the Transformation in a crucial respect. Certainly I am happy: the structuring of my ‘prayer’ seems to have brought that##** about.

##***

*[in these journals]

**[ie r~ near beginning of inner circle, R~ near end of outer circle]

***{The ‘stretchy wriggle’?} [[[Redbook5:112][19880324:2307]{The Stretchy Wriggle}[24th March 1988]]]

****/or?

#[[[Redbook4:63][19870820:1800n]{Circle Relationships [continued(12)] – Circumferential Resonance}[20^th August 1987]]]

#*[[Redbook4:63][19870820:1800l]{Circle Relationships [continued(10)] – Radial Resonance}[20^th August 1987]]

#**[[Redbook4:63][19870820:1800k]{Circle Relationships [continued(9)] – Resonance}[20^th August 1987]ff]

#***[[Redbook6:280][19890929:1130c]{A Dream: Of Following [xS]}[29th September 1989]]

#****<891003>

##[ie r~ is on the inner circle]

##*[Sic – ie these journals, not just this volume]

##**happiness <891003>

##***But strictly speaking, I may well still be on R~ - C, for the most part, and probably am. Radial resonance would complicate map[-]reading here. <891003>

{→ [[Redbook6:288-290][19891004:1242][{Love and Sex (9)}][4^th October 1989],] 288}

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{Love and Sex (8) [continued]}[29th September 1989]

[Redbook6:281-282][19890929:2152c]{Love and Sex (8) [continued]}[29th September 1989]

.2152

[continued]

Returning home,* I was thinking: ‘Lover, love Love, and be beloved.’ – the invocation of xS, as Love herself.**  My aspiration is towards a universal but particularised Love (to replace the generalised diffuse love I lost many years ago).***  At present I find this easier towards women than towards men – but towards women, I suspect my feelings are to a significant extent comprised of two elements: the male in me loving the female in them; but also the female in me loving the male in them (there may well also be male in me – male in them and female – female strands, but these might be necessarily less passionate or intense, more friendly and equable).

So far as males are concerned, it should similarly be possible **** for the female in me to love the male in them and  [for] the male in me to love the female in them (and male – male, female – female).  I should then be able to love females and males equally, as I become more perfectly balanced, and (in due course) to love them both more perfectly, as I become more integrated.

There are signs of this beginning, with both females and males, already: but only beginning; there is a long way to go.

But I am pretty certain that the way things turned out this evening, at the class, was linked to my reflection on R~, or xS,# as I know her, whose principle is simplification (simplicity) and whose quality is Love – and by thinking on whom I was enabled to enter that room full of strangers, without thought for myself or ambition of any kind, but with (and without thinking about it) a heart full of Love.


*[See last previous entry]

**ref III. [[Redbook3:135][19870406:2300b](SEX AND GENDER [continued])[6th April 1987],] 135

***[[Redbook3:58-59][19870329:1210g](DEVELOPMENT [continued(4)])[29th March 1987]]

****(If this seems peculiar, one is probably thinking in terms of physical sexual intercourse. I am not.)

#{(Yes, see [[Redbook6:281-283][19890929:2152b][{Love and Sex (8)}][29th September 1989], (last previous entry)] 281[f]n‘#’ above)}
[R~ & xS were originally written in the ms here the other way round, ie ‘xS, or R~,’]

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{Love and Sex (8)}[29th September 1989]

[Redbook6:281-283][19890929:2152b]{Love and Sex (8)}[29th September 1989]

.2152

[continued]

*I arrived for enrolment in the Welsh class in Llan[…] very happy and relaxed – having been thinking of the dream** – and found the only chair still empty next to an attractive girl, another [Gabby],*** we seeming in that weird and semi-conscious way of things to strike up an easy acquaintanceship from the moment I walked through the door – before I had even sat down: discovering some while after we had both been chatting that we both lived in the same village. She and her husband, a […] at the College, have lived [in the village] since [earlier this year]. The people on the course seemed for the most part a pleasant lot, with whom the conversational Welsh part could be fun.

For the first time in my life I walked into a room full of strangers and felt completely at ease: so much so that I had to curb my tongue a bit, against inanities.**** Old age?

#

*{[[Redbook6:268][19890918:1534]{Love and Sex (7)}[18th September 1989]] 268→}

**[See last previous journal entry but one, [Redbook6:280][19890929:1130c]{A Dream: Of Following [xS]}[29th September 1989]]

***[See [Redbook6:55)][19881205:1247d]{R~ birthdays, and Love [continued (3)]}[5th December 1988]]

[This refers I think more to the shared forename than to than to any other characteristics, although there may have been some other similarities.]

****So was I at ease? Yes!

#By (instructive) contrast, for the first actual lesson, exactly a week later, I was (again) late, but pushing the [car] hard on the road, not thinking of anything so lovely as here; was, I think, overtaken by the lady on the way, which made me absurdly irritated; and passed a moderately boring evening without any such communications, although fun in parts. (But I got the word bingo right uncannily often, until I noticed I was). The moral is clear. <891009>

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{A Circle Structure for Prayer (1b)}[29th September 1989]

[Redbook6:280-281][19890929:2152]{A Circle Structure for Prayer (1b)}[29th September 1989]

.2152

[continued]

During the computer problems* I did manage to keep my cool much more than I used to, but not by suppression: by relaxation (odd that it should have occurred when it did). But I have not been terribly accurate in my offices since then.

Well, these are early days.

*[[Redbook6:278-279][19890929:1130b]{A Circle Structure for Prayer (1)}[29th September 1989]]

[→ [Redbook6:283-284][19891003:1130]{A Circle Structure for Prayer (2)}[3rd October 1989]

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{A Dream: Of Following [xS]}[29th September 1989]

[Redbook6:280][19890929:1130c]{A Dream: Of Following [xS]}[29th September 1989]

19890929.1130

[continued]

I did dream last night, very briefly and simply, of a figure who seemed to be xS,* who on setting out to lead me on a walking-camping expedition declined to take anything in her pack (not that I was conscious of carrying anything myself) except what appeared to be half-a-dozen or so of heavy-ish metal objects, shining metallic-silver in colour, each one or two feet in length, whose nature or function I could not quite perceive, but which she popped into her back-pack (as it was perhaps already on her back); and as she also quite naturally declined to wear any clothes at all, I had a further brief and agreeable, but not particularly sexually arousing, vision of following her attractive bottom up the hill as we set out on our journey.**

.2152

Her pack, although worn like a back-pack, was itself similar to the knitted-nylon-net type of bag in which our tent poles are kept – but smaller. So where the objects simply large pegs – ie to mark the perimeter, the Circle – perhaps eight of them (I didn’t count)?

*(I did not clearly register her face)

**(This is faintly reminiscent of a Biblical intermediary – was it Moses? – who was only allowed to see God’s rear quarters, as the sight of God’s face would be too glorious: although there is no comparison with God, it may well be that at present I am not in a fit state.... Oh well, there are compensations.)

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{A Circle Structure for Prayer (1) [continued]}[29th September 1989]

[Redbook6:278][19890929:1130b]{A Circle Structure for Prayer (1) [continued]}[29th September 1989]

19890929.1130

[continued]

There is, of course, a danger of idolatry: about which I am open-eyed. I am trying to wait upon God, listen to God, and if appropriate make requests of God, from the degree of each archetype in turn, on an inner circle progression, and in some way with the ?support of the viewpoint from that degree. When in the lower semi-circle (j~-a~-u~) I tend to find myself looking from there to C (although conscious of j~ so far); when in the higher (C-r~-g~), and I expect m~s~, the presence of the archetype of the degree is stronger.*

I recall from somewhere in the Bible the words of the Angel before whom the prophet in awe prostrated himself: ‘No, not that!’**

***‘I, John, am the one who heard and saw these things. When I had seen and heard them, I knelt at the feet of the Angel who had shown them to me, to worship him; but he said: “Do no such thing:**** I am your fellow-servant and the fellow-servant of your brothers the prophets and those who keep the message of the book. God alone you must worship.”’#

‘... he added: “These words of God are true.” Then I knelt at his feet to worship him, but he said to me, “Never do that: I am your fellow-servant and the fellow-servant of all your brothers who have in themselves the witness of Jesus. God alone you must worship.” The witness of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.’#*

*This is not yet settled – see [[Redbook6:283-284][19891003:1130]{A Circle Structure for Prayer (2)}[3rd October 1989],] 284. <891003>

**(I thought it was [in the Book of] D[a]n[iel], but can’t find it.)

cf earlier [[Redbook5:94-96][19880318:1955c]{Worship}[18th March 1988]?]

[“No, not that!” is the New English Bible translation of the words translated in the New Jerusalem Bible as “Never do that” & “Do no such thing” in the passages from Revelation quoted in this entry.]

***Here it is: [The text at *** above follows]

****{cf V. [[Redbook5:94-96][19880318:1955c]{Worship}[18th March 1988],] 94

#Rev[elation] 22:8-9 (N[ew] J[erusalem] B[ible]

#*Rev[elation] 19:9-10 (N[ew] J[erusalem] B[ible]

[→ [Redbook6:280-281][19890929:2152][{A Circle Structure for Prayer (1b)}][29th September 1989]]

{→ [[Redbook6:283-284][19891003:1130]{A Circle Structure for Prayer (2)}[3rd October 1989],], 283}

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{A Circle Structure for Prayer (1)}[29th September 1989]

[Redbook6:278-279][19890929:1130b]{A Circle Structure for Prayer (1)}[29th September 1989]

19890929.1130

[continued]

Reading through Vol[ume] IV* yesterday – I noticed how comparatively easily (now) I seem to become distracted from focusing on God – or just to drift off.

I decided to adopt a prayer** or attention (‘waiting upon God’) discipline. At first I thought of morning and evening; then of Muslim practice; then (as that turned out to be 5 x per day) of the Circle pattern itself.*** So I started in bed that night:

[Text extracted from ms diagram reproduced above:]

				0 . 12
				|
	3am			C			9pm
		\		←		/
			r~		s~
a.m.6	–	g~		☼		m~	–	6 p.m.
			j~		u~
	9am	/		a~		\	3pm
				|
				12
				midday

This actually works out very well, since r~ takes the form of an instruction or intention left (by me) to my sleeping mind: and both C and g~ cover both sleeping and waking periods (I think about r~ quite a lot anyway). j~ gives creative impulse to household chores (eg breadmaking) | At about a~ today, the computer went wrong badly (Z[-]80 card failed, disk drive A ?failing), so I missed that stop: by u~ I was on the way to fixing it (using Z-80 software emulator), but stopped for a few moments of silence, which I badly needed.

*[of these journals]

**{But what is prayer? See below 

[[Redbook6:283-284][19891003:1130]{A Circle Structure for Prayer (2)}[3rd October 1989; 

[Redbook6:305][19891012:1612b]{A Circle Structure for Prayer (4)}[12th October 1989]]. 

What is worship?} 

{(cf [[Redbook6:305][19891012:1612c]{A Circle Structure for Prayer (4) [continued]}[12th October 1989]f,] 305; 

[[[Redbook5:94-96][19880318:1955c]{Worship}[18th March 1988]]; & see next entry])}

***[...]

****(I am flexible about a~ [sic] and c, and think of r~ then too.

[Possibly g~ was meant instead of a~]

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