[Redbook1:93][19691113:1630a]{Suffering
and Ambition}[13th November 1969]
Thursday 13th
November 1969. 4.30p.m. [continued]
I am glad
in some ways that I have felt miserable and inferior for so much of my life,
because now I shall never be content with what I have even if by normal
standards I have enough. I shall
always be trying to prove myself to myself and to others; men may call me
ambitious, provided that it doesn't wear off.
I don't think it will.
On the
other hand, I may never know true peace of mind for more than a short
time. There will always be something
better to do, which I have not done and someone else has.
I have
tried for so long to suppress in myself the spirit of competition, because I
feared I could not compete; now, finding I can, I can do nothing else.
Luther:
“Here I stand; I can do no other; God help me; amen.”
(Martin Luther, 18th April 1521, Diet of Worms; traditional.)
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