Monday, 31 March 2014

{A Trip to the Colonies}[14th August 1974]

[Redbook2:42][19740814:0000]{A Trip to the Colonies}[14th August 1974]

Wednesday 19740814

            After sixteen hours or so of flight, including five different take-offs, we arrived in Salisbury at about eleven p.m..

            Johannesburg had been ghastly – an unplanned monster of a city, where all the good old has given place to brash new.  We spent six hours of exhaustion trying to get through to Salisbury via broken or non-existent public telephones and useless operators, and trying to arrange a flight.  We were very tired.  But there was less [of] obvious apartheid than I had expected.

            [continues]

[PostedBlogger31032014]

Sunday, 30 March 2014

[Assessment][12th August 1974]

[Redbook2:41A][19740812:1700c][Assessment][12th August 1974]

19740812(1700c)
(Copy)
([H], Salisbury, Rhodesia)

Assessment.


Divine, despair,
What is this
Discontent that
Sits inside my brain?
Is it some
Consciousness of doom
Enfolds the life
I see within
The game?


Is it
Those that I need
And lose again:
The Understanding;
She with whom I grow;
The scarlet colt?

* * *

Am I
In love with Power:
Battalions grey
And Fleets that span the World?

Or is it
Double State:
Two Cultures and their Land
Which struggle to survive;
A Nation cries for shame
And with each cry
Pierces and pulls the heart
In which it grows?


Why does
Awareness of the One,
The Unity of All
No longer help
The Sorrow of
My Soul?

Or is it that the One
Brings Understanding, not
The cure for Knowledge:
I need
The strength to follow through,
Not blindness’ balm.

(197408121730c)

[PostedBlogger30032014]

Saturday, 29 March 2014

{A hero’s friends}[4th June 1974]

[Redbook2:38][19740604:2026]{A hero’s friends}[4th June 1974]

Tuesday 197406042026

(L)       A wise hero fears friends.


[PostedBlogger29032014]

Friday, 28 March 2014

{Christian Terrorism}[31st May 1974]


[Redbook2:38][19740531:2011]{Christian Terrorism}[31st May 1974]

Friday 19740531.2011

            The philosophy or world-view behind terrorism is basically mechanistic: that the application of pressure on people and their affairs leads to results in the form of redirection of pressure.  That the World Council of Churches, being I believe a body of persons following the faith of a man who (if I am right) understood and placed the individual ultimately above all other human units, should support a system so far opposed to his own, is remarkable.  In today’s conditions terrorism is becoming more and more difficult to combat.  The only chance to succeed against a mechanistic fighting system when mechanistic counter-measures have been shown to fail (or to be politically inapplicable) is to adopt a system based on the human individual.  The British Army showed this in Malaya; whether it will work in an urban context remains to be seen.

[PostedBlogger27=>28032014]

Thursday, 27 March 2014

{Dream of a Community of Girls}[28th May 1974][Aged 23]

[Redbook2:39A][19740528]{Dream of a Community of Girls}[28th May 1974][Aged 23]

1974060528

A strange dream a couple of nights ago – that I strayed into a community of girls – not hostile towards me, but uncommunicative – one of whom suddenly disappeared, on a loud report! – followed by a noise as of a firework soaring, while another girl tried to push me to the ground as though I needed protection from some blast.  There was more, confused, but no description can convey the strange sadness so clearly felt by the girls and by me, akin to that sweet longing – the two strands of mortality.


[PostedBlogger28=>27032014]

Wednesday, 26 March 2014

[The Killing Kind] [6th February 1974]

[Redbook2:37A][19740206:1750][The Killing Kind] [6th February 1974]
(Copy)
19740206.2750

The Killing Kind.


She was of the killing kind,
Little understand;
In her crawled the powers that bind:

On her face the brand
Marked the twisted spirit’s ways,
And the flames they fanned.

Every debt the spirit pays
Sees a debt arise.
Every deep-creator prays

While the arrow flies:
One that saves, save this one mind
Ere creation dies.


Tuesday, 25 March 2014

{Ends and Means}[30th January 1974]

[Redbook2:37][19740130:1550a]{Ends and Means}[30th January 1974]

Wednesday 19740130.1550
[continued]

            Every end is a means to an end.

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Monday, 24 March 2014

{Cocks and Chicks}[30th January 1974]

[Redbook2:37][19740130:1550]{Cocks and Chicks}[30th January 1974]

Wednesday 19740130.1550

            Too many hard cocks make a hard chick.

[PostedBlogger24032014]

Sunday, 23 March 2014

{Fits [continued]}[21st January 1974]

[Redbook2:36][19740121:0035a]{Fits [continued]}[21st January 1974]

Sunday 19740121.0035
[continued]

            The simplest explanation is that S’s imagination simply filled in the gaps logically.

            I think – and I have told S – that some part of H’s mind realised what was coming and tried to warn her.  Symbolism ‘occurred’ – which was what H ‘saw’, as a warning – and so the behaviour was part of, and due to, the fit.  S may have picked up the warning symbolism.  One can certainly thank God that H remembers nothing.

            I cannot believe in outside influences.  How could the race have come to this point if Men were susceptible to such unseen powers?  But the image of the big black bird is an old one, and it haunted me when I first read of it.  To some extent it has power to haunt me still – which could show universal symbolism.

            I will be a rock to myself, and to others.

[PostedBlogger23032014]

Saturday, 22 March 2014

{Fits}[21st January 1974]

[Redbook2:35-36][19740121:0035]{Fits}[21st January 1974]

Sunday 19740121.0035

            S came back from [HL]’s house-party this evening.  At lunch today H suffered from some form of fit.  S and two boys looked after her; she lay rigid, salivating and frothing, and occasionally struggling.  Her eyes were wide open, but unseeing.  H’s mother came in and stood by, wringing her hands and saying ‘Poor dear – poor [H]’ or something like that.  She said that this had not happened before.  The boys carried H upstairs, where S heard her sobbing.  Later H came down to the next door room where her father was, and cried again, but returned not long afterwards, physically shaking, but saying that she remembered nothing.

            But S does.  She saw H, sitting straight at the head of the  table – before the fit took her – raise her head and look to a position some 45 degrees to the right of the table line (my words), and above her.  Her hand and her gaze followed a 90 degree arc until she was looking up steeply at some 135 degrees to the right of the table line.  Then she became rigid and was thrown to the left from her chair with such force that she suffered severe bruising to the left side of her temple and face.  A girl – [D]? – said she saw that Gina did not hit the table on the way down.

            S considered – she does not remember when she first thought of it – that H had seen something affecting somebody else.  She says that H looked as though she was watching something.  She said to me: ‘Does a big black bird have any significance?’  I confess I turned cold, because I know –as I believe she does not – the meaning some ‘spiritualists’ attach to the ‘big black bird’.  S says she did not see anything – it simply occurred to her that this was what H had seen: not might have seen, but did  see.

[continues]

[PostedBlogger22032014]

Friday, 21 March 2014

{“Fire”}[11th January 1974]

[Redbook2:34][19740111:0130]{“Fire”}[11th January 1974]

Friday 19740111.0130

            When I am alone, I am subject to an almost Messianic vision.

            When I am in company, my social reactions – so carefully learned in recent years – take over, and my sole self is forgotten in the easy effort of making things go.

            Those reactions must be unlearned.  Perhaps if I am to keep at all times the word ‘Fire’ in mind, I shall remember who I am wherever I am.

[PostedBlogger21032014]

Thursday, 20 March 2014

{Little Ghost Story: Postscript [continued]}[10th January 1974]

[Redbook2:33][19740110:1230a]{Little Ghost Story: Postscript [continued]}[10th January 1974]

Thursday 19740110.1230
[continued]

            To return to my night in the basement:  I may be embellishing my memory, but I seem to recall something I did not consciously notice at the time:  that the noises I hear in my memory seem to be of a different intensity or wavelength to other noises.  But this may be a trick of my imagination.

[PostedBlogger20032014]

Wednesday, 19 March 2014

{Little Ghost Story: Postscript [continued]}[10th January 1974]

[Redbook2:33][19740110:1230]{Little Ghost Story: Postscript [continued]}[10th January 1974]

Thursday 19740110.1230

            [….]
* * *
[continues]


[PostedBlogger19032014]

Tuesday, 18 March 2014

{Little Ghost Story: Postscript [continued]}[10th January 1974]

[Redbook2:31-32][19740110:0053a]{Little Ghost Story: Postscript [continued]}[10th January 1974]

Thursday 19740110.0055
[continued]

            With the sole exception of HO, who has some connection, I do not know of any case, in my time or [the Housemaster’s], of a boy or girl of the House encountering any such manifestation or phenomenon.  I certainly never did, nor felt myself to be subject to anything of the kind during all my terms there.  But on my last night there, after the term had ended and the boys and girls had left (and my jurisdiction – and me officially – with them) I was strangely affected.  I was then [...] more conscious of the House as a thing apart – a shell, but a Presence nevertheless, and one of some intention or purpose – than I have ever been before or since.  But I was somewhat upset in any case, and tired.

[continues]

[PostedBlogger18032014]

Monday, 17 March 2014

{Little Ghost Story: Postscript}[10th January 1974]

[Redbook2:31-32][19740110:0053]{Little Ghost Story: Postscript}[10th January 1974]

Thursday 19740110.0055

            I have just reread my diary entry for Tuesday 19730307.2359*.  It concerns a night I spent in the basement at [my school] House, in theory and as far as I know alone, during which I repeatedly heard swift footsteps, a door being banged, and (possibly) whispering.  I put it down afterwards to ordinary causes (although none such have yet occurred to me [as reasonable <197401101243>]) until a year or two later I remembered my questions at the time.  Since then I have told it, mostly in fun, as ‘my own true ghost story’.

            I have a postscript.

            Today I said to [the Housemaster] (words to the effect of): ‘Did you know [the House] is haunted?’  He asked if I knew the stories.  I said yes, I knew the [HO] *story, and began to explain my own.  When I told him of the noises, he asked where they had seemed to be.  I said from the kitchen – not directly, but round through the passage (ie by the stairs).  He asked if I meant the stairs.  I said yes, that was exactly what I did mean.

            He then told me that it was always at the foot of the stairs that footsteps were heard – including by [his wife], who rushed out with a poker for the burglar and found – nothing.  But she had heard measured footsteps.  I think he said that [the previous housemaster] also heard them or something similar.  But [the previous housemaster] once entered – I think – […] Dormitory, to see an old man standing in the room.  He asked the old man – whatever one does ask – and the old man vanished.  One has to know a little of [the previous housemaster] to know that this story is unlikely to be purely a figment of his imagination.


*[Redbook1:291-294]
[continues]

[PostedBlogger17032014]

Sunday, 16 March 2014

{Bully and Beg}[5th January 1974]

[Redbook2:30][19740105:0050]{Bully and Beg}[5th January 1974]

Saturday 197401050050

            I will not bully,
                        neither will I beg.

[PostedBlogger16032014]

Saturday, 15 March 2014

{Impatience}[30th December 1973]

[Redbook2:29][19731230:0056]{Impatience}[30th December 1973]

Sunday 197312300056

            I think I have become
too impatient to write well
(or at least to be able to write good fiction). 
– An unfortunate ambiguity:
I mean that I am impatient
and therefore can no longer (or cannot!)
write well.
                                                … Oh, dear!

[PostedBlogger15032014]

Friday, 14 March 2014

{Brain Mazes}[29th December 1973]

[Redbook2:29][19731229:0035]{Brain Mazes}[29th December 1973]

Saturday 19731229.0035

Have you ever, on the edge of sleep, found yourself trapped within the mazes of your own brain – not your mind, but your brain (or so it seemed).

[PostedBlogger14032014]

Thursday, 13 March 2014

{Spiritual Recognition of Evil [continued]}[5th December 1973]

[Redbook2:27-28][19731205:2339a]{Spiritual Recognition of Evil [continued]}[5th December 1973]

                                                                                                           Wednesday 19731205.2339
[continued]

So what is left?

            We allow an exception of generality(?) from the rule of spiritual perception; and we allow elitist ‘value judgment’ (by those who recognise the Spirit, probably a self-defining group).  Still I think this must be the answer:

Evil is only seen in:
  • Distress of the Spirit of the ‘sufferer’, as perceived in the spirit of the judge – this is the clearest measure, and is open to nearly everyone.
  • Disturbance of the Spirit of the Actor, as perceived in the spirit of the judge – this is more dangerous because more dubious (?).  The Spirit is crucial.  It is open only to those with a finer ‘spiritual’ perception and discrimination, and those who do not have it do not always know that they do not.
  • The ‘Generalised’Act, as shown by the class of such acts, as deduced from the two categories above – especially the first.  This is so far open to abuse that it cannot be used safely as more than a prima facie indication of evil indicating the need for investigation under one of the first two headings (above).

The crucial part is that each case must be taken individually before a final decision is made and acted upon.

[PostedBlogger13032014]

Wednesday, 12 March 2014

{Spiritual Recognition of Evil}[5th December 1973]

[Redbook2:27][19731205:2339]{Spiritual Recognition of Evil}[5th December 1973]

Wednesday 19731205.2339

            Does this means to measure evil – or at least to value evil – mean that no action is intrinsically evil? Does a torturer practising his craft upon a creature which, unknown to him, is insensitive in this area of suffering, do no evil?*

            But here Spirit speaks to Spirit, and our own Spirit – if allowed – will recognise the hatred in the torturer as evil.  (Is this an elitist philosophy? – many, unrealising, do not recognise the Spirit).  What of the dispassionate torturer, the craftsman, who (again) does not know that his victim is insensitive to suffering?  Here the act is one we would instinctively call evil, but because there is no evil intent and no experience of evil by these rules there is no evil in the particular case – only in the generality(?) it represents.**  And perhaps this is as it should be:  that we should allow that some acts fall under the general evil while in themselves neutral.


*This does not follow from evil as a spiritual state rather than an action: rather the reverse, in fact <921010>.
**The answer to this is that if he is Human, he must know of the hurt he does; if not, he is not Human, in the circumstances <890928>.

[PostedBlogger12032014]

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

{Testing Time}[1st December 1973]

[Redbook2:26][19731201:0130a]{Testing Time}[1st December 1973]

Saturday 19731201.0130
[continued]

            Today I bought a book, “The Politics of God”, by Hugh J. Schonfield.  Leafing through it, in pursuit of prophecy and prediction, I came to a chapter headed ‘A Time of Testing’.  It referred to the Revelation of St. John iii 10 and the Dead Sea Scrolls (which I have not read).  The Authorised Version gives Ch3 v10 as follows:  “Because thou hast kept the word of my patience, I also will keep the from the hour of temptation, which shall come upon all the world, to try them that dwell upon the earth”.  The N.E.B. gives Ch3 v10 as follows: “Because you have kept my command and stood fast, I will also keep you from the ordeal that is to fall upon the whole world and test its inhabitants”.  Schonfield says: “We ourselves are now in such a time” (in the convoluted fashion of such writers).

            Between 19730501.1539 and 19730501.1953, I wrote a *poem: ‘Fusion Child’.  It includes these lines:

‘…God help me when the Endless Testing comes.’
Perhaps, is this the endless testing time?
‘God help me when the Endless Testing ends!’


*[Redbook1:265A,297A-I;2:1A-1G]
[PostedBlogger11032014]

Monday, 10 March 2014

{Evil, the Spirit, and the Deep}[1st December 1973]

[Redbook2:25][19731201:0130]{Evil, the Spirit, and the Deep}[1st December 1973]

Saturday 19731201.0130

            How does a Christian see terrorism and war?  How do I?  By my own belief – and I suspect by Christianity – we judge evil not in its effect on the physical world but in its effect on the Spirit in Man.  Terrorism – by definition – exists through hatred, and fear among the innocents.  Its effects act on the mind direct, not thorough reason, so that I – and, I suspect, the deep Christian – know in the depth that it is evil.

            War is a general description of a state of affairs.  Its methods vary, and may include acts of terrorism as well as acts of compassion: acts which many of us know – in the depth – are good.  There may well be less distress of the spirit in War than under terrorism; but insofar as such distress exists, War too is evil.

            It is of course open to Men, appreciating something of this evil, knowingly to allow such evil in order to prevent a greater evil still. Surely that greater evil should be seen also in the distress of the Spirit, as may be recognised in the depth.

[PostedBlogger10032014]

Sunday, 9 March 2014

{Classification}[27th November 1973]

[Redbook2:24][19731127:2354a]{Classification}[27th November 1973]

Tuesday 197311272354
[continued]

            Classifications of myself have for a long time irked me; but in recent years I have found more and more that generalisations irritate me – of almost any kind.  A classification of myself based on a generalisation, then, is almost bound to infuriate or upset me; and tho perhaps reported with that intent, it did.


[PostedBlogger09032014]

Saturday, 8 March 2014

{Clutter}[27th November 1973]

[Redbook2:24][19731127:2354]{Clutter}[27th November 1973]

Tuesday 197311272354

            How vital it is to have an uncluttered mind.  A brain as cluttered as mine must wade helpless through a heaving ocean of facts, useless for anything but repetition – and in my case not much use even for that.  There was a time, when the extent of my study was perhaps more limited, when I seemed more in control of my day-to-day relationship with my surroundings (or environment).  Now I have relapsed, and react as blindly as once I did.

            I have the power to regain my old stature, and I have the will.


            Inside, less has changed; but if I am not careful even that may be buried within the shells of superficial reaction.


[PostedBlogger08032014]

Friday, 7 March 2014

{Patronage}[24th November 1973]

[Redbook2:23][19731124:0052]{Patronage}[24th November 1973]

19731124.0052


            I think that the reason why I have not shown any of my work – for about 5 years – to ‘Big D’, ?alone of all my family, is that for some years I have instinctively realised what I can now explain:  that for a man of some culture (and more knowledge) his appreciation of art is somewhat technical….

            This is one thing that alarms me about the [Law].


[PostedBlogger07032014]

Thursday, 6 March 2014

{Freedom}[23rd November 1973]

[Redbook2:23][19731123.2343]{Freedom}[23rd November 1973]

19731123.2343

Freedom cannot be imposed:
            it can only be given.
Therefore
            an acid test for those who claim to offer freedom
            is whether their methods are the means of imposition
                        or of giving.


[PostedBlogger06032014]

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

[Poet-ry][22nd November 1973]

[Redbook2:22A][19731122:2327][Poet-ry][22nd November 1973]

197311222327



I want to write a poem
Although it’s just to show ‘em –
If only I could show ‘em how
I still can write a poem!

197311222334


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Tuesday, 4 March 2014

{Exercise}[14th November 1973]

[Redbook2:22][19731114:2309]{Exercise}[14th November 1973]

19731114 2309

            The only significant difference between those who take exercise and those who do not is that those who do are more arrogant.


[PostedBlogger04032014]

Monday, 3 March 2014

[The Girl][13th October 1973]

[Redbook2:21A-E][19731017:1701][The Girl][13th October 1973]

197310171701(I)


I

Turning, slowly into the Wind,
She flies outward,
Her arms, like soft-petals, yearning
Into the Sun.

The hill-top:
The grass-run like waves: the backdrop
Of downland: the shifting horizon:
The One.


II

Christ I am with You!  Unbuttoning
Her sleeves and her blouse,
She throws open
Her softness, her Soul
To the Sky;

Casting it into the Wind
She steps from her shoes,
Baring her feet to the Earth,
Walking on Earth,
The coolness of Earth in her veins:

Bronze of the buckle unclasped
Opens her belt,
Unfastening the cloth,
Which falls like some snakeskin
In folds in her footsteps
Forgot


III

-- Leaving the glory
Of slender limbed beauty
To wander ecstatic
Through rain
That softly, that gently
Flows over, clinging the skin
To her skin.

Ecstasy!  Wonder
She wanders, the beauty of Earth
In Her prime;
Arms open in worship, she reaches
Behind her, unfastening the halter,
Rid of the yoke for all time;

And, pausing, with fingers near hips
Passing through the remaining
Constriction, which falls with her hands
To her feet:
She steps, straightens, stands and is free!


IV

The Girl
From her head to her toe:
From her slender love-legs
To the love of her lips,
The poise of her head and her neck;
From her uptilted breasts
-- Soft, firm, delicate breast,
From the smooth of her skin
From the curve of her waist and the sway of her hips,
To her Sex:
From the Earth-mother warmth of her thighs
To the depth of her womb:
From the passionate entry, the shuddering depth,
To the core of her Soul


V

To her eyes:
From the Power that is in Me,
The Power of the One,
They are mine.


[PostedBlogger03032014]

Sunday, 2 March 2014

{Extended families}[13th October 1973]

[Redbook2:20][19731013:1835f]{Extended families}[13th October 1973]

19731013 1835
[continued]

(L)       (2) Population Control: To satisfy urge to have large family – share families, ie (see earlier plans for) groups of houses.
           

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{Civil Servants}[13th October 1973]

[Redbook2:20][19731013:1835e]{Civil Servants}[13th October 1973]

19731013 1835
[continued]

(L)       (1) In stabilising Society: the Civil Service counteracts governments.



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